I'm feeling quite nostalgic today, as it is our eleven year "anniversary". Yes, since we got married I know we have a "new" "official" anniversary. But I can't just discount the first eight years of our relationship and start fresh! Plus... 11 is my favorite number so I feel like this is going to be a pretty awesome year, babe.
You deserve a tribute. I thought about updating my facebook status to tell you how much I love you - but you wouldn't read it anyways since you hate facebook. (And you are right. It is pretty lame.) So this is my tribute to you - here - where I know you will read it (because you are one of my 3 faithful followers). (And I know you are my biggest fan.)
You deserve a tribute because you are the most supportive, encouraging, generous, faithful, loving partner and I feel so grateful to share my life with you - all of these moments, all of our ups and downs. There is no other person that I would want to share these with. I am amazed at the person that you are. You continue to surprise me with the person that you become. I fall in love with you all over again everyday. When we met, we were only kids. You were 19, and I was 18. I had no idea at the time that ours was a love that was going to last forever. I didn't know what I wanted out of life, or what kind of person I wanted to spend it with, or what kind of person I would become. I knew so little.
Over these past 11 years we have grown and changed so much. We have seen so many things come and go - together. Different houses, vehicles, jobs, friends, possessions, events, the list goes on and on. Life. In a world where nothing lasts forever, here we are. Still together. Our love has changed and grown but it is still here. Our relationship has had ups and downs, but it's always been. Love is the constant in our life together. We don't need to force it because it just is. Every time I look at you, I just love you. I love your face. I love who you are today, who you were yesterday, and who you'll be tomorrow. We are both so different now. But I still catch a glimpse of that 19 year old boy every once in a while. In your passion for personal privacy. In those private moments we share together that I won't even begin to hint at here. ;)
I spent so many moments in my younger years being unhappy. My relationship with my dad left me with a damaged perspective of my own self-worth, what I deserved, what love meant, what was important in life, and an overall dismal view of what this world had to offer, let alone anyone in it. Especially what I had to offer anyone else. His failure as a father really did a number on me. So, over the years as I've struggled to overcome all of these issues, you had a pretty unhappy girl on your hands a lot of the time. But, you still loved me. And you always saw the best in me. You saw through all of that bullshit and focused on the real me. You could see her even when I couldn't. You love me so unconditionally, that you have taught me what it really means to love someone else.
Talk about patience. You think that I am the one with all of the patience in this relationship, but I only have it with other people. I lack patience with myself. You have shown incredible patience with me and my journey.
Now all of this growth and hard work is truly paying off. I am happier that I have ever been. Ever. Even in those moments when I become irritable or fearful, the steady current that underlies my life is one of gratitude, appreciation, love, happiness, optimism, beauty and joy rather than all that negativity that used to run through my veins. I owe so much of that to you, your patience, your love, and the space you give me where I am free to evolve.
All I can say is thank you. Thank you for taking this journey with me. Thank you for all of the memories we have together. Thank you for this little boy who is singing his own tribute to you "Da da dada da da DA!! DA!! DAAAA". Thank you for loving me so completely. You are such an incredible human being. I still feel sometimes that you are too good to be true. But, I know you are just that good. And it's true.
Finally, since this blog is inspired by the Shraders, I have to say that I love that you are the Uncle Cliff of this generation. He is the one who knows all of the Solonika family history and has that unique outside perspective, because when he and Jan got together, they were only kids themselves. All of the Solonika's were. When you and I got together, Megan was 10, Bethany 14 and Rachel 16. Logan was a baby - Gwen was 2. You are that outsider who has been around all of us long enough to learn all of our secrets. You have seen my family grow and change. You know they are everything to me, and you really understand where I come from.
Also, Jan and Cliff are truly soul mates. Their love has lasted forever and they still flirt with each other like they are two horny kids.
I totally get it.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Zombies & Keg Stands
OK, I'll try to keep this quick. I gave the whole "sleep training" thing 4 - 5 days. (That is 4 TO 5 days, not 45 days) It may be GREAT for some people, some parents, some babies, some families. But it does not fit into our family. And this is why...
* I was a ZOMBIE. Zombie. I could not function and barely even left my house. My entire life, I have not been a great sleeper. I'm a night owl. "Mommy Becky" doesn't get a whole lot of uninterrupted sleep as it is, but waking up with Jude every hour or two and spending up to an hour putting him back to sleep was turning me into a Zombie. And it's just not worth it.
* I lost track of my parenting philosophy. Every book that I pick up has a different theory about parenting and babies. Since the experts can't even agree on the "right" or "best" way to raise a child, Miles and I just have to do what feels right to us. That is the best that we can do. And that is wonderful. I just need to stay on the path of mindfulness, awareness, intuition, and appreciating all of these beautiful, sweet, sweet baby moments that do not last long. (As opposed to driving myself crazy and turning into a ZOMBIE)
I could go on and on and on about this. But I don't want to bore you & I have other things I need to do at the moment.
On to something amusing - Jude has recently begun doing what I can only describe as keg stands when he breastfeeds. He is content to sit across my lap and nurse the traditional way for a while, but then he twists his body around and is literally standing on his feet, head upside down, still latched on, and still nursing.
* I was a ZOMBIE. Zombie. I could not function and barely even left my house. My entire life, I have not been a great sleeper. I'm a night owl. "Mommy Becky" doesn't get a whole lot of uninterrupted sleep as it is, but waking up with Jude every hour or two and spending up to an hour putting him back to sleep was turning me into a Zombie. And it's just not worth it.
* I lost track of my parenting philosophy. Every book that I pick up has a different theory about parenting and babies. Since the experts can't even agree on the "right" or "best" way to raise a child, Miles and I just have to do what feels right to us. That is the best that we can do. And that is wonderful. I just need to stay on the path of mindfulness, awareness, intuition, and appreciating all of these beautiful, sweet, sweet baby moments that do not last long. (As opposed to driving myself crazy and turning into a ZOMBIE)
I could go on and on and on about this. But I don't want to bore you & I have other things I need to do at the moment.
On to something amusing - Jude has recently begun doing what I can only describe as keg stands when he breastfeeds. He is content to sit across my lap and nurse the traditional way for a while, but then he twists his body around and is literally standing on his feet, head upside down, still latched on, and still nursing.
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| who wouldn't want to sleep next to me?! |
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Poor baby. :(
Well, night 2 was incredibly rough. I would say it was a disaster - but looking back it was only two really tough hours. Funny how it seems SO much longer in the middle of the night when you are awakened each time you doze off! I almost threw in the towel around 3:30 AM but then I heard my sweet husband's voice, "Do you want me to try rocking him?"
His two top teeth are "officially in" because I can feel them BOTH with my fingers! He is so cute and rubs them with his tongue, back and forth.
Oh baby, I'm so sorry you are in pain. :( Hopefully it will be worth it when mommy lets you eat yummy new foods with those chompers! I made him "Baby's First Chicken Casserole" yesterday - chicken, leeks, carrots, parsnips & potatoes... yum! He wolfed down quite a big helping! So, I guess he's a meat eater now!
Jude, I love you so and we can get through this together. Thanks for being the best baby ever.
His two top teeth are "officially in" because I can feel them BOTH with my fingers! He is so cute and rubs them with his tongue, back and forth.
Oh baby, I'm so sorry you are in pain. :( Hopefully it will be worth it when mommy lets you eat yummy new foods with those chompers! I made him "Baby's First Chicken Casserole" yesterday - chicken, leeks, carrots, parsnips & potatoes... yum! He wolfed down quite a big helping! So, I guess he's a meat eater now!
Jude, I love you so and we can get through this together. Thanks for being the best baby ever.
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| Got my meat hat on! Bring on the meat! |
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Mom Musing #2
Have you ever tried to change the diaper of a Cirque du Soleil artist?
Just imagine for a moment....
One of those gymnasts who seem inhumanly strong and can seemingly levitate their bodies, supporting their weight on just one pinky finger. This is the predicament I found myself in this morning.
Jude had a GREAT poop! (I'm sorry, but Moms are obsessed with poop) It was soft and squishy, instead of a hard rabbit pellet poop. It had a wonderful consistancy, not too wet. AND you could see the different colors of the different foods he's been eating! Those are my favorite poops.
It was the perfect texture to just wedge itself up the entire length of his buttcrack! Now you see my predicament. As Jude bends his torso over so that he can hold on to the ledge of his changing table with his arms, he would usually love to turn his entire body over and crawl away! Or at least sit up - come on, mom, this laying down position is of no use to a busy baby boy.
Meanwhile I am trying desperately not to smear feces all over the changing table or his body, so I am keeping ahold of his feet as he lengthens his body out and twists his entire body to the side - levitating everything below his arms. Engaging his buttcheeks, abs, and leg muscles to keep his entire body stiff. I am wiping blindly, hoping that I am getting all of the poop out and away.
Your future looks bright, Jude.
You just might be headed there with poop in your crack.
Just imagine for a moment....
One of those gymnasts who seem inhumanly strong and can seemingly levitate their bodies, supporting their weight on just one pinky finger. This is the predicament I found myself in this morning.
Jude had a GREAT poop! (I'm sorry, but Moms are obsessed with poop) It was soft and squishy, instead of a hard rabbit pellet poop. It had a wonderful consistancy, not too wet. AND you could see the different colors of the different foods he's been eating! Those are my favorite poops.
It was the perfect texture to just wedge itself up the entire length of his buttcrack! Now you see my predicament. As Jude bends his torso over so that he can hold on to the ledge of his changing table with his arms, he would usually love to turn his entire body over and crawl away! Or at least sit up - come on, mom, this laying down position is of no use to a busy baby boy.
Meanwhile I am trying desperately not to smear feces all over the changing table or his body, so I am keeping ahold of his feet as he lengthens his body out and twists his entire body to the side - levitating everything below his arms. Engaging his buttcheeks, abs, and leg muscles to keep his entire body stiff. I am wiping blindly, hoping that I am getting all of the poop out and away.
Your future looks bright, Jude.
You just might be headed there with poop in your crack.
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| I'm too busy for this nonsense! |
Mom Musing #1
I meant to start blogging the other day when this actually happened. So many funny little things occur when you are a mom.
I have a simple "mom friendly" beauty routine. Because I usually have about 3 minutes to complete it. I put a little lotion on my face, some goop in my hair, and maybe a little make-up if Megan has left some behind at my house. (It just looks better when it's my sister's make-up, instead of mine.)
So, the other day I put on my face lotion. Then I walked over to the other bathroom and put some goop on my fingertips to work through my hair. I rubbed my hands together to get both of them all goopy. And I ran them both down the sides of my face. And I just stood there, staring at myself in the mirror with a stupid little smirk on my face, realizing what I'd just done.
It seemed like something only an overtired mom would do.
As if my life hasn't become sticky enough. :)
I have a simple "mom friendly" beauty routine. Because I usually have about 3 minutes to complete it. I put a little lotion on my face, some goop in my hair, and maybe a little make-up if Megan has left some behind at my house. (It just looks better when it's my sister's make-up, instead of mine.)
So, the other day I put on my face lotion. Then I walked over to the other bathroom and put some goop on my fingertips to work through my hair. I rubbed my hands together to get both of them all goopy. And I ran them both down the sides of my face. And I just stood there, staring at myself in the mirror with a stupid little smirk on my face, realizing what I'd just done.
It seemed like something only an overtired mom would do.
As if my life hasn't become sticky enough. :)
 |
| Hey Megan - u left ur make-up at my house. :) |
Hey!
Woah - time flies when you aren't blogging!
Thought I'd give it another go.
I DO have a new quest,
but I probably won't blog about it regularly.
The issue is too emotionally charged for me.
And there's too many varying opinions and theories out there.
My new quest is trying to do my OWN version of "sleep training" our baby.
Basically, Phase 1 is that I'm trying to keep him in his crib all night and not in our big bed.
Because lately I find myself wrestling with him in the middle of the night as he tries to crawl away.
And I don't sleep.
And I'm afraid he's going to jump off the bed.
He is fearless.
So, last night he DID sleep in his crib! ALL NIGHT!
That's the first time that's happened.
It only took me an hour to put him there and 3 nighttime feedings.
I am tired, but I did sleep in 2 hour increments, just like him.
Probably more sleep than I have been getting.
I am calling it a success for night one!
I'm going to give it 45 nights.
Thought I'd give it another go.
I DO have a new quest,
but I probably won't blog about it regularly.
The issue is too emotionally charged for me.
And there's too many varying opinions and theories out there.
My new quest is trying to do my OWN version of "sleep training" our baby.
Basically, Phase 1 is that I'm trying to keep him in his crib all night and not in our big bed.
Because lately I find myself wrestling with him in the middle of the night as he tries to crawl away.
And I don't sleep.
And I'm afraid he's going to jump off the bed.
He is fearless.
So, last night he DID sleep in his crib! ALL NIGHT!
That's the first time that's happened.
It only took me an hour to put him there and 3 nighttime feedings.
I am tired, but I did sleep in 2 hour increments, just like him.
Probably more sleep than I have been getting.
I am calling it a success for night one!
I'm going to give it 45 nights.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Try, try again.
Day 1 - Again.
I still haven't decided on a new quest. Or if I am even going to commit to taking one on. But, I am getting a little lax on myself when it comes to my yoga routine, so I need to re-commit myself to practicing everyday. This last week I practiced six out of eight days - going to class three and practicing at home three. Then, I considered taking a day off each week, and then one became two.. you know how it goes. So, today I'm starting fresh with day 1 again and I am going to class later.
I did read three books last week. I read Stranger in a Strange Land by Heinlein because once I started it, I got into the story and HAD to know how it turned out! Although the plot is compelling, his writing gets SO tedious and goes off on many a dry tangent. The book was long and boring at times, then exciting at others! I am fascinated by some of the themes that came up throughout the book, and I'm still mulling them over in my brain. But, it's a lot to take on in one book - he tackles religion, philosophy, politics, war, sexuality, art, and basically all of humanity here. I guess that's the point, but it is exhausting to read. By the end I was just forcing myself to finish it... and I won't spoil the end, but it left me unsatisfied.
I also tackled The Dead and the Gone and This World we Live In by Susan Beth Pfeffer. They both follow Life as we Knew It, which I devoured over Christmas break. They're young adult sci-fi/post-apocalyptic stories. I finished the first within a couple of days and the latter in about three hours while my boys slept. I could NOT put them down. And they left me wanting to stock up my pantry (if I had room for one in my house) and brush up on my survival skills (or learn some!). Terrifying.
So, I've been reading everyday. Mostly because it's too cold to leave the house and we don't have anywhere to go anyways! And I've been crafting probably every day. I made Eli a teddy bear for his birthday - one that matches Jude's that I made him for Christmas. Except Eli's has train fabric and Jude's has robots. :) They are both from a pattern that my mom passed down to me - one that she used for my "Beary", and a bear for my sister when we were little tots. Beary is loved almost to bits, and I still have him. He was my security blanket and best friend when I was little. So, it was very meaningful for me to pass on the tradition to our boys.
I also attempted to knit a baby hat, but ended up frogging it when I f*ed up the pattern. Oh well, if at first you don't succeed...
I still haven't decided on a new quest. Or if I am even going to commit to taking one on. But, I am getting a little lax on myself when it comes to my yoga routine, so I need to re-commit myself to practicing everyday. This last week I practiced six out of eight days - going to class three and practicing at home three. Then, I considered taking a day off each week, and then one became two.. you know how it goes. So, today I'm starting fresh with day 1 again and I am going to class later.
I did read three books last week. I read Stranger in a Strange Land by Heinlein because once I started it, I got into the story and HAD to know how it turned out! Although the plot is compelling, his writing gets SO tedious and goes off on many a dry tangent. The book was long and boring at times, then exciting at others! I am fascinated by some of the themes that came up throughout the book, and I'm still mulling them over in my brain. But, it's a lot to take on in one book - he tackles religion, philosophy, politics, war, sexuality, art, and basically all of humanity here. I guess that's the point, but it is exhausting to read. By the end I was just forcing myself to finish it... and I won't spoil the end, but it left me unsatisfied.
I also tackled The Dead and the Gone and This World we Live In by Susan Beth Pfeffer. They both follow Life as we Knew It, which I devoured over Christmas break. They're young adult sci-fi/post-apocalyptic stories. I finished the first within a couple of days and the latter in about three hours while my boys slept. I could NOT put them down. And they left me wanting to stock up my pantry (if I had room for one in my house) and brush up on my survival skills (or learn some!). Terrifying.
So, I've been reading everyday. Mostly because it's too cold to leave the house and we don't have anywhere to go anyways! And I've been crafting probably every day. I made Eli a teddy bear for his birthday - one that matches Jude's that I made him for Christmas. Except Eli's has train fabric and Jude's has robots. :) They are both from a pattern that my mom passed down to me - one that she used for my "Beary", and a bear for my sister when we were little tots. Beary is loved almost to bits, and I still have him. He was my security blanket and best friend when I was little. So, it was very meaningful for me to pass on the tradition to our boys.
I also attempted to knit a baby hat, but ended up frogging it when I f*ed up the pattern. Oh well, if at first you don't succeed...
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Happy New Year!!!
I know, I know, my faithful followers have been fretting, "Where have you been??" Since I know you both in real life (extremely well) you already know that I am alive and well. I've just been on a blogging hiatus after my 45 day quest, and I've been busy enjoying the celebrations during my baby's first holiday season.
My, how he's grown. He's developed a taste for wrapping paper & bows. He's 7 months old now, his vocabulary includes "ba", "da", "ma", and lots of "aahh". He also communicates with grunting, growling, pounding his fists against a nearby surface, flapping his arms like he is about to take-off in flight, reaching, spitting, thbbptt-ing, and much more. Here's a picture of him at a recent family get-together - he was being a TOTAL ham.
But, enough about Jude. I could go on FOREVER!!! You may be pleased to hear that I have continued with my yoga practice. I have practiced every day since the beginning of my quest, only excluding Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and New Year's Eve. The Xmas days we were just too busy and stayed up way too late even without the yoga practice. NYE I could have squeezed it in, I'm sure, but I was allowing myself just one day to be lazy about my practice. THEN I got up early January 1st and got my butt to the studio! It was an ass-kicking vinyasa practice and I was actually sweating. I also dragged my sore body BACK to the studio on the 2nd for more. Although the practice was less intense, I can tell you that my thighs were burning.
My "Secret Santa" also gifted me an awesome set of four vinyasa style yoga DVDs for Christmas, and I've been practicing them on the days when I'm home.
So, by "giving it 45 days" I have most definitely found a way to fit a daily yoga practice into my life. Thank you, UC! I feel healthier, happier, and calmer. I'm actually so content with my life right now - probably more than ever before. I know that taking time to care for myself daily has A LOT to do with that. Also, I am much more able to be present in the moments of my life. Right now, with Jude so small and sweet, that is a priceless gift. I love all of my moments with him.
So, how to continue on with this blog? I feel like I need a new 45 day quest, but I am having trouble deciding on a goal. I haven't got a lot of time to take on anything too major in my daily life. And, like I said, I'm totally content right now and there's not an area that I feel needs a huge improvement! I also don't want this goal to be a negative: a taking something away. I'm not going to abstain from watching TV, eating meat, eating dessert, drinking alcohol or caffeine, or anything else. I want to keep it in the positive. So, here are some ideas that I've had:
Read daily
Craft daily
Keep track of Jude's sleeping habits
"Ferberize" Jude
Cook daily
Adding some cardio to my routine
...Sorry to cut this short, the bear just woke up. It'll probably be reading or crafting. Which would you rather read about?
My, how he's grown. He's developed a taste for wrapping paper & bows. He's 7 months old now, his vocabulary includes "ba", "da", "ma", and lots of "aahh". He also communicates with grunting, growling, pounding his fists against a nearby surface, flapping his arms like he is about to take-off in flight, reaching, spitting, thbbptt-ing, and much more. Here's a picture of him at a recent family get-together - he was being a TOTAL ham.
 |
| hammy hammy ham-bone |
My "Secret Santa" also gifted me an awesome set of four vinyasa style yoga DVDs for Christmas, and I've been practicing them on the days when I'm home.
So, by "giving it 45 days" I have most definitely found a way to fit a daily yoga practice into my life. Thank you, UC! I feel healthier, happier, and calmer. I'm actually so content with my life right now - probably more than ever before. I know that taking time to care for myself daily has A LOT to do with that. Also, I am much more able to be present in the moments of my life. Right now, with Jude so small and sweet, that is a priceless gift. I love all of my moments with him.
 |
| Me and the bear - I do love my life! |
Read daily
Craft daily
Keep track of Jude's sleeping habits
"Ferberize" Jude
Cook daily
Adding some cardio to my routine
...Sorry to cut this short, the bear just woke up. It'll probably be reading or crafting. Which would you rather read about?
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