2012 in review

Christmas morning I felt like I received everything I needed for next year: a new Jade yoga mat & a meditation bell from Tibet. Aaah.
Reflecting on this passing year there are three things that have been a constant theme. One is family. Always family. I cherish every precious moment I've spent with my little elf who started this year at just one year old and then yesterday celebrated his 31 month milestone. (My little moon baby: born under a full moon + yesterday was a full moon = a sassy week in our house)
Our little family moved TWICE this year and we're now getting settled into our first home that we own. Yes, it's out here in the suburbs... but that was the one compromise alongside a HUGE list of pro's. A safe neighborhood with sidewalks, a creek to explore, 10 kids on this cul de sac for Jude to play with, really nice and welcoming neighbors, no above ground power lines, four + huge bedrooms, an immense yard, garage, attic, craft room, guest room that is right now serving as a meditation room, two fireplaces... I could go on. This place is a freakin castle. It's a lot to take in. And I'm still taking it in. But, I'm trying to be patient with myself.
My bigger family also had a huge year of transitions, and LOTS of moving. My parents settled into a Portland home (YAY!) and my sister moved back from Austin with her partner (yayayayayayyyayayay) There's a lot more to say, but my point is that I have spent a lot of energy on my family this year. I wouldn't have it any other way. And this Christmas was the best ever because we were all together. Like, major LOVEFEST!!!!
Two: Yoga.
Yoga has been a part of my life for over a decade. I started this year with a New Year's Day practice at HeartSong studio out here in Beaverton advertised as a "SUN Salute-a-Thon". This practice consisted only of 108 Sun Salutations.
And I just signed up again for this Tuesday. BAM.
Early on in 2012 I had my heart set on finding a RYT200 training to become a certified Yoga Instructor. I spent time at Yoga Bhoga, my now favorite yoga studio, and I took a couple of classes at the Yoga Space. I didn't know how the hell I would pay for the approximately $3000 training, but I figured that would work itself out. I met Michelle Leow, who owns the Yoga Space and runs the training offered there, at her class one night in February, and literally THE NEXT MORNING we got the news that we had 30 days to move out of our rental home in Beaverton where we had lived for 5+ years.
So, my energy shifted to taking care of these pressing priorities.
As a compromise, I signed up for the week long "Yoga Calm" intensive training held last June at the Edgefield resort in Gresham. I decided to move into the hotel for a week and take a "vacation from my problems" a la Bob Wiley. This training is for a program to teach and incorporate yoga in public schools. As I am a licensed Elementary teacher it really combined my two passions: teaching + yoga. Literally the day after this training ended was moving day (#2 for the year) and we spent the weekend moving from the apartment, where we had lived for 3 months while house hunting, into our new home.
So, yeah. Yoga helped me with all of the stresses and transitions of this year. I met many great instructors and students. I'm still really hard on myself during my practice, but my new goal is to be NICER to myself. Geez. I'm so mean to myself up there in my head.
This is basically my resolution for next year: to be less of a brat. Mainly with myself. But, also with my husband.
I'm learning some new strategies that will hopefully help me treat myself with more Compassion, Love, Understanding, and Patience from the third theme of my 2012....
BOOKS.
My BFF, Emily, and I successfully formed a book club this year. It's evolved over the past 12 months and is now made up of about 8 really spectacular ladies.
Along with this project, I decided to keep track of all the books I start & finish this year.
As of today, December 29th, I have started 81 books and finished 59 of them.
In my next post, I'll list all of those out in case you're interested.

So, I have to shift my focus from those things that I DIDN'T do this year and instead choose to celebrate what I did. It's so easy (and comfortable?) to beat myself up for that which I have not yet accomplished. But, to stay in that mindset means that I'm really missing out. I'm missing out on my life when I get wrapped up in those thoughts.

I want to live my life.

So, maybe I'm not what I COULD be, maybe I'm not what I SHOULD be. But, I am a whole helluva lot better than I used to be.

And I'm excited for whatever may come.

PREGNANCY:
When my Yoga practice really went to the next level.

Let it Go II

Totally meditated my "letting go of thought" meditation yesterday for a few minutes before I wrapped Christmas presents. I wanted the wrapping to be a mindful experience, free of stress.

Success.

Thanks for your help, Miles.

Let it Go

I'm taking the time to meditate about once every three days. This isn't the daily practice I wish for myself, but in the spirit of being nice to myself I am focusing on the fact that this is a step in the right direction. I'll get there. My Uncle Cliff has a saying, "Maybe I'm not what I could be, maybe I'm not what I should be, but one thing's for damn sure... I'm better than I used to be."

One meditation that I am finding helpful is on a Sharon Salzberg CD, "Meditations for Love and Wisdom" and it is a short "Meditation on Letting Go". I can't tell you how many times I've heard instructors say, "let it go" in yoga classes. "just let it go", "if thoughts come by, just let them go". Like it's that easy. Is it really that easy for some people? You can just wish thoughts and issues away?
In my head, I'm screaming, "HOW?!" Give me some direction! I want to let SO much go. So.... HOW do I go about this?
This little meditation is pointing me in the right direction. It's just a practice. Practice doesn't make perfect - it makes... practice. It's a practice for life. So, in this meditation you just focus on your breath. And you say, "breath". In "breath" out "breath". Thoughts arise and - here's the magical secret - it's "not the breath". Whatever it is, it's not the breath. So, you let it go and don't attach to it and return to identifying "breath". It's just a practice of focusing your attention.
I feel like I sound like a crazy person, trying to explain this to you. Yesterday, I found myself cutting up vegetables for dinner and saying to myself, "it's not the zucchini" or "it's not the sweet pepper" and (maybe I am a crazy person) but I felt my attention truly more focused on the task at hand and I could even SEE more clearly.

LML = Love my Life

I was kind of kicking myself earlier because I fell off the meditation wagon.
Instead of continuing to kick myself, I came home after a busy day of outings and stopped mid-chores to sit down and meditate.

If you are one of the 3 people who read this (hi Miles, Emily & Jamie!) you know that I'm currently writing about the 21 day Deepak Chopra meditation challenge that I extended to my UC 45 day challenge. I have no idea what day I'm on at this moment...
The day after the challenge I felt anxious because I wanted to keep my meditation practice going, but the DC challenge was "officially" over. Every day of the challenge I would get an inspirational email and a link to a 15 minute guided meditation. Deepak would speak to me in his beautiful voice, inspire me and then soothing music would play while Deepak "minded the time". A little bell would sound when the time was over and Deepak would leave me with some closing thoughts and a Namaste.
So, yeah, day 22 I was nervous - what was I going to do without him! (No, I don't have "abandonment issues" from my childhood!)
(yes I do)

Spoiler Alert: Deepak sent a bonus meditation for day 22.

I kept my meditations going by signing into the challenge and listening to the recordings from the challenge. Except each one expired 10 days after it was posted! So, I lost access to them on day 32.

Anyways, I don't want to bore you with all these details. I got a bunch of meditation CDs that I'll try from my library. Today I listened to a "Meditation on Seeing the Good" by Sharon Salzman. I just rested on the floor and listened to her voice & reflected on the fact that all people want to be happy - may they be happy.

Then I wanted to write about how great today was.
1. I communicated with a Grandma Orangutan at the zoo this morning. We had an impromptu play date with friends. This orangutan was right next to the glass communicating with these little children. So I bent down and talked to her. My face was probably four inches away from her face. And she spoke back to me with her eyes. I totally had butterflies because animals do make me nervous. Then Jude popped up and put his face even closer to hers and said "Hi! Hi! Hi!" without any trepidation whatsoever.
2. Jude & his friend Logan were so adorable together. Over our snack time they played a game where they took turns poking each other while saying "poke!". They rubbed noses multiple times and even kissed once or twice. I kind of felt like her mom & I were chaperoning a toddler date. But I was cracking up.
3. I got back on the meditation wagon.

These people came into my "reflecting on the good in people" meditation today because there is SO much good in them. My sister Rachel & her husband, Yoda.