I'm feeling quite nostalgic today, as it is our eleven year "anniversary". Yes, since we got married I know we have a "new" "official" anniversary. But I can't just discount the first eight years of our relationship and start fresh! Plus... 11 is my favorite number so I feel like this is going to be a pretty awesome year, babe.
You deserve a tribute. I thought about updating my facebook status to tell you how much I love you - but you wouldn't read it anyways since you hate facebook. (And you are right. It is pretty lame.) So this is my tribute to you - here - where I know you will read it (because you are one of my 3 faithful followers). (And I know you are my biggest fan.)
You deserve a tribute because you are the most supportive, encouraging, generous, faithful, loving partner and I feel so grateful to share my life with you - all of these moments, all of our ups and downs. There is no other person that I would want to share these with. I am amazed at the person that you are. You continue to surprise me with the person that you become. I fall in love with you all over again everyday. When we met, we were only kids. You were 19, and I was 18. I had no idea at the time that ours was a love that was going to last forever. I didn't know what I wanted out of life, or what kind of person I wanted to spend it with, or what kind of person I would become. I knew so little.
Over these past 11 years we have grown and changed so much. We have seen so many things come and go - together. Different houses, vehicles, jobs, friends, possessions, events, the list goes on and on. Life. In a world where nothing lasts forever, here we are. Still together. Our love has changed and grown but it is still here. Our relationship has had ups and downs, but it's always been. Love is the constant in our life together. We don't need to force it because it just is. Every time I look at you, I just love you. I love your face. I love who you are today, who you were yesterday, and who you'll be tomorrow. We are both so different now. But I still catch a glimpse of that 19 year old boy every once in a while. In your passion for personal privacy. In those private moments we share together that I won't even begin to hint at here. ;)
I spent so many moments in my younger years being unhappy. My relationship with my dad left me with a damaged perspective of my own self-worth, what I deserved, what love meant, what was important in life, and an overall dismal view of what this world had to offer, let alone anyone in it. Especially what I had to offer anyone else. His failure as a father really did a number on me. So, over the years as I've struggled to overcome all of these issues, you had a pretty unhappy girl on your hands a lot of the time. But, you still loved me. And you always saw the best in me. You saw through all of that bullshit and focused on the real me. You could see her even when I couldn't. You love me so unconditionally, that you have taught me what it really means to love someone else.
Talk about patience. You think that I am the one with all of the patience in this relationship, but I only have it with other people. I lack patience with myself. You have shown incredible patience with me and my journey.
Now all of this growth and hard work is truly paying off. I am happier that I have ever been. Ever. Even in those moments when I become irritable or fearful, the steady current that underlies my life is one of gratitude, appreciation, love, happiness, optimism, beauty and joy rather than all that negativity that used to run through my veins. I owe so much of that to you, your patience, your love, and the space you give me where I am free to evolve.
All I can say is thank you. Thank you for taking this journey with me. Thank you for all of the memories we have together. Thank you for this little boy who is singing his own tribute to you "Da da dada da da DA!! DA!! DAAAA". Thank you for loving me so completely. You are such an incredible human being. I still feel sometimes that you are too good to be true. But, I know you are just that good. And it's true.
Finally, since this blog is inspired by the Shraders, I have to say that I love that you are the Uncle Cliff of this generation. He is the one who knows all of the Solonika family history and has that unique outside perspective, because when he and Jan got together, they were only kids themselves. All of the Solonika's were. When you and I got together, Megan was 10, Bethany 14 and Rachel 16. Logan was a baby - Gwen was 2. You are that outsider who has been around all of us long enough to learn all of our secrets. You have seen my family grow and change. You know they are everything to me, and you really understand where I come from.
Also, Jan and Cliff are truly soul mates. Their love has lasted forever and they still flirt with each other like they are two horny kids.
I totally get it.
