Bibliophilia

(Day 19)

I'm a reader.
Always have been, always will be.

My mother often tells me the story of a toddler Becky. At bedtime this little munchkin would climb the stairs to her room and return with a book to place at the bottom of the stairs. Then she'd climb back up for another. Repeat. When she had a stack of books to read, she'd fall asleep from exhaustion.

From the time I was 7 or 8 I'd stay up way too late reading by flashlight under my covers. Is this why my eyesight is starting to go? One reason for this is because I've always been a night owl. But, another is that when I'm into a book I can. not. put. it. down. I MUST find out what happens. To this day I will devour a great book in 1 to 2 days.

I'm trying to slow down. I don't want to consume these books so fast. I want to savor their words, the characters, the plot lines, the beauty, the emotion, the philosophical implications - all of it. But, I just tear through them. I'm like a book junkie. And, sometimes when I've sacrificed sleep for reading - I really do suffer the next day - like a hangover.

During my decade long college experience most of what I read was either assigned or textbooks. This was kind of true during high school as well. It was hard to find the time to read for pleasure because when I wasn't working, in class, partying, socializing, or exploring my independence in other ways - I was frantically doing my homework and trying to stay up on my reading for class.

Ugh. I could have read so many good books during that time!!!

Ahh, and then I decided to become an Elementary School Teacher and I got to rekindle my love for quality children's literature. This may be my favorite genre. The beauty of the children's story, the underlying deeper meanings and the ARTWORK - it's a trifecta of perfection.

Then I got pregnant and had a baby. I read a ton of birthing books, parenting books, etc etc etc. Now my little boy and I get to read all those great kids books together. He probably has more books than his Daddy and I do together. There are STACKS of his books in every room of our house.

I love it.

But, this year - THIS year. Ha ha ha. My best friend Emily has helped me reclaim my fame as a voracious reader. I am reading at night when I should be asleep. I park and read in my Jeep when Jude falls asleep. I read every chance I get. In January we formed our first book club - which I aptly named the "Randy Readers". I also decided to keep track of the books I start and finish. So far in 2012 I've started 58 & finished 40 of them. Pretty good, I think. Pretty, pretty good.

I'm just grateful for books. For authors. For illustrators. These books change my life. They shift my perspective. They make me think. They make me cry. They touch my soul. They make me look at the world in a different way. They challenge the status quo. They challenge me. They get me riled up. They make me laugh. They turn me on. They piss me off. They make me feel. I'm grateful for my parents for reading to me. I'm grateful for everyone who encouraged me to read. I'm grateful for those who put good books into my hands. I'm grateful for book stores. I'm grateful for libraries.

I'm in love with books.

Here's me graduating with my Master's - 3 years ago! I look like such a dork.

But, I couldn't have done it without the books!

This is the "Master's Degree Barbie" cake my mom made for me. She is the coolest. (Both the Barbie and my Mom)

So much Gratitude, So little time

Yeeeeah, sorry. Somehow I fast forwarded a week. It's just been hard to make the time to blog lately, I guess. However, I am still focusing on gratitude daily. This one will be short, because  I should actually be going to sleep right now... I just was having trouble falling asleep & want to get this done. 18 days doesn't seem like a long time, but I'm finding it easier and very helpful to focus on what I'm grateful for and positivity in general. :)

Monday (12)
Um, I don't know what day I found this out to be honest, but I'll plug it in here. Our new neighborhood doesn't have power lines! I find this very exciting. We were chatting outside with one of our very nice neighbors who pointed this out to us. I looked around and couldn't believe I hadn't noticed this! They're all buried, which means, no ugly cables connected to the houses, running through tree branches and no big ugly poles. It's just very pretty. I've often noticed the existence of power lines and their ugliness. And in their absence, I was completely unaware. Just interesting in a "focus on the positive vs. negative" framework. Anyways, I'm grateful for this!

Tuesday (13)
Ha, I was having a hard time thinking of something for this day and then I remembered that I went to the DENTIST and got my teeth cleaned! I'm grateful for so much. First of all, my husband has amazing coverage for all of us through his work: MUCH gratitude! Secondly, my dentist is the daughter of my former dentist, who I saw for as long as I can remember. I love her. She has a practice with her husband in the city and I love the family feel of it all. She is just great and has really helped me have good oral hygiene over the past year. She had the cutest preggo belly when I first met her, and now her daughter's a year old - I can't believe it. Plus, I had such a great hygienist clean my teeth (the past couple of times I had a girl who I was not crazy about). This woman was a joy and we had a great conversation (when my mouth wasn't occupied) about family, motherhood, children, and careers.

Wednesday (14)
I took a walk with Jude on this evening, and he fell asleep after about 25 minutes. So I walked another 20 minutes. I'm grateful for this time together. Especially this particular time when he's in between babyhood and little boyhood. He's asserting his independence in so many ways, yet he's still my little baby. Not too big to fall asleep in the stroller on a walk. I'm so grateful for every little moment together. (see below for a picture of my little baby/boy)

Thursday (15)
Today we took my mom on a date to the zoo. Within this little outing there's so much to be grateful for. I love having a zoo membership for one and being able to spend an hour there, or an entire day. I love watching Jude enjoy the animals, the train, running around, and eating a delicious lollipop that my mom bought for him. Little blue tongued baby fell asleep on the way home with this sticky treat still in his grasp. And, as always, spending time with my mom. Just the best.

Friday (16)
Friday is payday. It's gotta be acknowledged. I'm so grateful that my husband has a good job and works hard to provide for our needs and pay for the bills. I'm extremely grateful.

Saturday (17)
Today was an impromptu hangout day with my mom, dad, sister, brother in law, nephew, other sister, her boyfriend, and my husband and son. Gotta love that. I'm grateful for letting plans GO and enjoying what may come. It was relaxing, simple and joyful.

Sunday (18)
Aaaaaah, and that brings me to today. Sleeping in - gratitude #1. Another yoga class with my favorite teacher and two of my friends to boot! I'm trying to go every Sunday. Taking care of my family, #3.

Life is so good. So damn good.

Days 8, 9, 10 and 11??

I think....

Now I'm getting really behind. But, if memory serves me correctly...

Day 8 (was... Thursday?)
Thursday, Thursday, what did we do on Thursday? OH YEAH. Today we went to the zoo with my nephew, Eli & my brother in law, Joe. These two guys, I am SO grateful for the both of them. Eli is just the light of my life, he is like a brother to Jude, and he is really helping to shape Jude with a world view that is full of JOY, laughter, and funny funny funny stuff. Joe is just such a good guy, he is one of my favorite people to talk to, he's a really good dad, and he loves my sister. A LOT. What more could I ask for???


Day 9 (Friday)
Tonight Miles and I actually went on a date. AT night time, in the DARK. This was our first date, that wasn't an early evening or afternoon date, in TWO years. Prior to this, we always had the bedtime & breastfeeding issues to deal with. I'd left Jude with Miles to go out on less than a handful of special occasions, but tonight we went out TOGETHER! And it was SO fun. We met up with some other friends to go out to celebrate my bf's birthday - had dinner at a fancy restaurant, saw a drag show, had drinks and came home IN THE DARK. I'm grateful for a lot of things: 1. My sister, Rachel for babysitting and having a date with Jude, 2. Good people to go out for, and 3. Drag queens who put on an AMAZING show. I guess I'm just grateful for the opportunity to go out, have fun, and laugh!


Day 10 (Saturday)
Today was my best friend, Emily's, 30th birthday party! I want to express my gratitude to not only her, but also her husband, Pat. They are both such good friends to me & Miles... and also Jude. I love spending time with them. They are such a unique couple, very generous individuals, and although we differ on some aspects of our lives, they are always accepting, open minded, and just a hell of a lot of fun to be around. I'm extremely grateful they are in my life.

Day 11 (Sunday)
Today I am most definitely grateful for Yoga. I have tried to focus a lot of my attention on my yoga practice during this year (2012). I started off January 1st by participating in a practice of "108 Sun Salutations" that a studio offered for free. (Love the free part!) I had my mind set on taking a teacher's training to become certified this year, but events happened and I went a different way. In June I did take the "Yoga Calm" intensive training. Yoga Calm is a program developed at PSU that is designed to teach yoga to kids in public schools, by teachers, specialists, or counselors - mostly. It focuses not only on a physical practice, but also social-emotional intelligence and building community. That was AMAZING, and I'm so glad I did it. Since June though, my practice has not been a high priority in my life. I think I've attended 3 or 4 classes since then.
But, today I returned to one of my very favorite instructors for a Yin practice. Aaaaahhhh I'm so glad I did. For me, yoga is therapy more than a physical workout. I'm drawn to the more restorative classes that focus on de-stressing and loving on the spine. (and hips, shoulders, and all those emotions that come up.)

I guess I could try to be "better" and blog daily..,. but I actually feel pretty good about how this project is going. Friday I woke up in THE BEST mood. Like, I just hopped out of bed feeling happy with where I'm at, who I am, and looking forward to the day. I aspire to wake up in this mood EVERY day! Wouldn't that be nice??? I'm going to attribute at least part of this to my Gratitude Project, because my goal is to shift my perspective to a more positive one.

Happy Birthday, Emily! Me & Jude at the zoo with Em,

Wats, & Audrey last week. (We go there a lot.) :)

 

 

Days 5, 6 and 7!

Ack! I'm getting behind!!! That's okay. I've been thinking constantly about gratitude, and a big part of this project is to STOP being so hard on myself.

:)

Day 5 (Monday)
Today, I'm grateful for my neighbors. We bought a house two months ago and moved into this neighborhood where everyone is SO nice to us. Seriously, I could not have asked for better neighbors. Today we had a BBQ out in our double cul-de-sac to celebrate the last day of summer before the neighborhood kids went off to school. These families have been very welcoming to us, they have given us toys, furniture, and even fixed my Jeep. Jude plays out front with all the kids. It's pretty amazing. I'm grateful that I feel safe, and have a connection with my community.

Day 6 (Tuesday)
Jude & I took a walk for an hour today in the Nature Park. I am really grateful for our parks & rec district. When we were house hunting I really did not want to move out of our parks district because I love the rec centers, the affordable classes, pools, and numerous parks that have a strong focus on protecting the environment & exploring nature. Jude has always been my nature baby - he loves being outdoors.

Day 7 (Today)
I could write a very long book about how grateful I am for my mom. (I think I should, actually, and I might someday). Jude and I spent the afternoon with her today. We are just chilling at her new house right now. I'm grateful that she moved closer to us. I'm grateful that she & Bob are getting settled in Portland and that she's starting a job closer to her new home. I love the way that Jude looks at her with a huge smile on his face. I love that he runs to her with open arms and gives her hugs & kisses. She was truly the best mother to me and my siblings growing up, she STILL is - and she is the most beautiful, loving, open Grandma. I love that I gave her a grandson to spoil with snuggles, stories, songs, and love. I'm grateful that I spent today with her, and I'm grateful for every day that we get to spend together.

"Gwamma & Grampa Bob"

Best parents & Even better G-parents.

Thank you, Funny People

Day 4 (Yesterday)

So, the hub & I went on a little date to see "The Campaign". I seriously love just zoning out to a really funny movie, and laughing at ridiculously inappropriate things. Whenever I find myself taking life too seriously, I should just pop in "Anchorman" or "The 40 Year Old Virgin". It really puts things in perspective for me.

I'm grateful for comedy, rom-coms, and laughter.
I'm also grateful for my sister & brother in law for taking care of our little man so we can take a break to reconnect. It can be hard to find the time...

Extreme Gratitude: Breastfeeding

Day 3

If you think about it, breastfeeding is just absolutely amazing in itself. Mothers are the true superheroes. We can grow humans within our own bodies, birth them into the world, and CONTINUE to provide all of their growing needs with milk from our breasts. Thank you, Mother Nature.

I am so extremely grateful to my own mother for breastfeeding me - for 2 years. I'm grateful that she breastfed my three younger sisters for  2-3 years each. She provided me with this example of what it means to care for children in this way. Breastfeeding not only provides all the nutritional needs babies need physically, but also the attachment & bonding needs that we have as human animals. Thank you, Mom. Thank you for making this my knowledge of what is normal, healthy, and so so beautiful.

When I even began considering to have a child, this was my norm. I always said, "I'll breastfeed my baby for 2 years." Because my own mom did this - she is beyond amazing - and I strive to be as good of a mom as she is.

I know that many women have challenges when it comes to breastfeeding, and I know that I was very, very lucky. I was able to birth my child naturally, vaginally, without pain medication, and I was able to breastfeed him within minutes of giving birth. These were ideal circumstances, at least in my vision of what is ideal.

Not that everything came easy. It hurt tremendously when my baby nursed on my left nipple. I think this was because my mom tweaked the nip SO HARD earlier on when we were trying to get labor moving along with some nipple stimulation. (She's a Labor & Delivery nurse, so this is not as creepy as it may sound.) I had to work to get a comfortable position for feeding & latching on. The "football" hold was my go-to position early on. I never knew such a thing existed until the nurse at the hospital introduced me to it! I also experienced a lot of pain from hunching over & nursing with bad posture. Like, pain that led me to tears. A friend of mine lent me her "breast-friend" nursing pillow, and a boppy would also do the trick. This "breast-friend" was truly a godsend. It is a weird contraption that you buckle around your body & it's like a little shelf that you rest your infant on while you nurse. Bizarre. But, SO helpful. A couple of months in I had a crazy fever and I assumed I had the flu. I was burning up, but also suffering from chills at the same time. I was wrapping myself in blankets in the middle of the summer. I did not realize that this was MASTITIS until I called my doctor & the advice nurse asked me if my breasts were painful. Yes, my left one was and I didn't even make the connection. Honestly, I didn't even know what Mastitis was. I had heard of "breast infections" but I was a bit ignorant, I guess. And, when it came to pumping; I never got more than 2oz at a time, and I worked as a substitute teacher - which was not ideal at all for trying to pump on the job.

But, as I look back, I have very fond & positive feelings about the whole breastfeeding experience. My baby was always hungry & I was always willing to feed him. Day or night. He grew splendidly. He never had an ear infection. He was sick maybe twice in the first year. He had the happiest demeanor I could have ever hoped for, and he was very easy going. We were very easy going with each other. I had no qualms about breastfeeding him in public. I never heard a negative comment from anyone - if there were dirty looks, I never noticed them. I'm thankful that my husband was completely supportive of my choices to breastfeed, to breastfeed for 2 years, to breastfeed in public, and I had his full support in all of my opinions and wants for parenting. I'm just following my instincts, and when I question myself he brings me back to my instincts. That's probably the toughest thing about being a first time parent. There are so many "experts" and professional opinions that you don't know who to listen to. I felt like I've never done this before, other people probably know better than I do, and I second guess myself quite often. I tend to go back & forth, but ultimately I always come back to my "gut" feelings.

Looking back over the last 27 months, I have so many sweet memories of breastfeeding. His little eyes looking up at me with complete trust, safety & love. Breastfeeding at weddings, the pumpkin patch, the zoo train, on picnic tables (which are the PERFECT height for breastfeeding!), in the middle of the night, for hours in the morning, in our rocker, eating with one hand, doing lots of things with one hand, slowing down to simply soak up those moments, on airplanes, even once in the car on the road (I wasn't driving & he was never unbuckled).

Today is the third day that he's had no "Na-Nas". I'm so proud of him & I feel like I waited until the right time. Day 1, he was upset with me for a few minutes at nap time. Day 2 he was INCREDIBLY pissed at 6:30 AM. But, this morning he woke up, asked to hold the Na-Nas, looked at me and said,
"I'm not sad." What?!?! My kid is so smart.

Hopefully I'm not speaking too soon on the matter. But, I feel like we're going to be just fine.

Thank you, Na-Nas.