My kids were asleep in the car again today (shocker). I was sitting in the driveway of my parents house, so I popped in a Pema Chodron CD that I'd borrowed from the library. With the hope & intention that I'd take the time to listen to it & actually meditate. A few minutes into her talk she led a brief meditation. She rang a gong & said "listen to the gong". Then she said "this time listen to the entire sound of the gong until it's done" and rang it again. "And again."
The key to meditation & mindfulness is nonjudgmental awareness. This is simply noticing the noise of the gong, the seemingly endless reverberations, the thoughts that arise, whatever - and letting it just be without attaching a positive or negative label to it. Without naming it "good" or "bad".
At least this is my understanding of it at this point in my journey.
Fast forward a few hours when I'm driving the kiddos home from my parents' house and Scarlett is SCREAMING her head off - the entire 20 minutes home. And I'm tense. I'm gripping the steering wheel. I'm resisting the uncomfortableness of hearing my baby girl in distress. I'm fighting. I'm fast forwarding to when I'm home & I can hold her. Immediately soothe her. My whole body is so tight. "Her brother never did this." "Am I doing something wrong?" "Is this my fault?" "She'll grow out of it." And other thoughts.
Then I realize - her screams are the gong. So I listen. I listen to the sound of an entire scream until it's over. Then I listen to the next one. And again. Repeat. I swear to god, the simple act of listening alone allowed me to hold 80% less tension in my body. I kept listening. I heard the rain hit my car. I heard the soft music on my CD player. And I heard my daughter cry. I heard her. Instead of resisting, fighting, trying to fix it - I just heard her.
For a few moments. Quite a few moments. It didn't fix it. It didn't end it. I'm not yet sure exactly what it did.
But it was good practice.
Who, me cry?!
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