Ring of Fire: Day 37 "Why am I awake?!"

I get that "nature is preparing me to be awake with the baby all night" as people love to say. But, guess what? I'm prepared. The past 31.99999 years I've been preparing. I'm a natural night owl. The past 3.25 years I've been preparing. I'm a mom.

Thank you, nature! I feel well prepared. What I'd love to be is well rested.

Tonight I took a relaxing bubble bath with lavender & Epsom salts. While listening to guided meditation for a healthy birthing experience. I actually fell asleep quite well. Then I woke up to pee. It was 12:15. I've peed 4 times since then. I've been lying in my bed, focusing on my breath. Doing "loving-kindness" meditation for myself, my babies, my family, and all of you. I feel very positive. But, I'd rather be asleep!

So... what more can I do???


Today is the last day in August, 2013. Sometime during the next month I will have my baby. I'm getting excited! But, I also feel really relaxed about it. It's funny, the first time I did this I felt like I prepared myself for "The Birth". After we got through The Birth it was like falling off of a cliff. Kind of like how a wedding can be if you're so focused on "THE BIG DAY" and lose sight of what happens after: marriage & the rest of your life. But, I didn't know!!! I didn't know I'd wake up absolutely DRENCHED in sweat from expelling so many hormones. I didn't know my ONLY job was to breastfeed. I didn't know that I really, really should have heeded those oft repeated words, "SLEEP WHEN YOUR BABY SLEEPS!"

Round two.

This time, I am more focused on protecting my space when I get home than giving birth. WAY more focused. I'm trying to enter this birthing experience with no expectations. The baby will come out. However this goes down, she will come out. When I get home I will sleep when she sleeps. I will not try to keep my house presentable for company. I will not try to entertain anyone. I will lay in my bed on a towel and breastfeed. I will lean on my family & friends for support. I will accept any help graciously. I will snuggle with Miles, Jude, and Scarlett. I will be kind to my body and rest so that I may heal fully. I will breathe in the cupcake scent of my new daughter. I will breathe in the still oh so sweet scent of my 3 year old son. I will re-enter the real world when I'm good & ready.

I'm so excited.

Here is a little song that Jude Bear wrote & sings to his Baby Sister while snuggling with the belly:

"Baby, don't cry.
Your Mommy's here.
Your Daddy's here.
Your Brother's here.
There are no shooters, no dinosaurs, no dragons
coming through the door.
No one will bite you or throw fire at you."

Scar Bear, I think you have the BEST big brother.

*bask*

Ring of Fire: Day 29 "Random Updates from a Very Pregnant Mama"

Is it acceptable to put on your pajamas at 3:30 in the afternoon & call it a day? Because that is what I chose to do this afternoon. I went on to read an ENTIRE book (Divergent) between that time and 10:00 PM, as well as read Jude 3 books and put him down for a nap, and make both of us lunch.

Weird day, but I'm happy with my choices.

To be fair, we had a busy morning. We went to our Science Class at the  Children's Museum, also the library (where I seriously almost fell asleep), and Trader Joe's. Daddy joined us for Science Class and then proceeded to put in almost 7 hours working on the bathroom. *my hero*

I fell so far behind on my 21 day meditation challenge. The first two weeks I was gung ho: waking up early, meditating, and loving it. Then I just kind of let it fall by the wayside. But, I'm reading this great book right now called Mindful Birthing. It's not just pertaining to birth, but mindfulness practice in every aspect of life. And I am finding mindful moments each day. It's still a major dream of mine to have a Consistent, Daily yoga & meditation practice! But, for now, my life remains my practice.

Namaste.

;)

Ring of Fire: Day 28 "Nesting Take Two"

Kitchen

I've spent the entire morning (about 3.5 hours) re-organizing my kitchen. So... I think the traditional "nesting" is kicking in. If you walked into my kitchen, you would not be impressed. It's not "clean". The floor's trashed. But, if you looked inside my cabinets, you might notice that the insides are vacuumed, wiped down with bleach, and there is a designated place for everything. My original intent was to make room for baby stuff; bibs, bottles, etc... Over the weekend my Saint of a husband created some storage/pantry space for us in the garage. So, I've been moving items that we rarely use out there and just shifting everything around. Poor guy isn't going to be able to find anything!

Bathroom

Oh man. Two nights ago we discovered a leak coming from our upstairs bath tub and landing in our downstairs bathtub! Of course, soaking the ceiling and walls in between the two. This downstairs bathroom has been driving me crazy. We bought our house a year ago in June, and we have never used the downstairs tub or shower. At first we just thought it was gross/filthy. So we tried to clean it. Then, we figured that maybe we just need to re-do the grout between the tile. After more investigation, we found that the drywall behind the tile was damaged. So, my husband has been trying to find time to rip it all out and re-do it. I've been patiently reminding him that it would be nice to get this done before I was super pregnant... or maybe before the baby is born??? It's actually a blessing that we haven't completed this project because we would have had to re-do the entire project after this freaking LEAK!
Anyways, the leak is repaired, and the damage isn't as terrible as we feared. I guess everything really does happen for a reason & we'll see if we can get this done before Scarlett is born! It would be really nice to have bathroom facilities adjacent to our bedroom when I'm home recuperating. But... it wouldn't be the end of the world because I do have a working tub upstairs.
First world problems, right!? 

Baby Stuff

I've been gathering last minute items I might need, washing baby clothes, and gently nesting the kids'
room and closets. Mostly it's just fun to make everything look cute. For example, I keep hanging up cute little things on display. When you open Scarlett's side of the closet, you see  her "Lil Sis" shirt hanging up with rainbow leggings,  and knitted hats made by Gwamma Bear.  Luckily I haven't had to do much, since we're not setting up a crib or a nursery. We all sleep together in one room - Mama Bear & Papa Bear on each edge of the bed while Jude Bear does somersaults in the middle. Scarlett Bear will have a co-sleeper next to me, where I hope she is comfy.
The changing table is still up since we never took it down. The kids' room has a huge closet that is easily divided in half with plenty of room for clothes, blankets, diapers, etc.

Jamm'as

Oooh, I JUST got a package from Kohl's with nursing jammies, a robe, a nursing bra and of course more jammies for Jude Bear. More stuff to wash, yay! Everything is so soft & comfy. I'm looking forward to bonding, nursing time and hanging out at home in my new jammies.

I'm so happy my husband will be home for a month.

I'm so happy my preschooler is happy & healthy. He is so sweet to this baby. Yesterday he met  a friend's new 5 week old baby sister and he was adorable with her; talking sweetly, touching her gently, peeking under her cover to see her nurse, singing Rockabye Baby to her, and hugging my leg and snuggling when I was holding her. It was a beautiful few minutes... and nerve wrecking to wonder how we'll handle it 24/7.

Here we go!

P.S. We are 3 weeks out from the "Due Date". Yikes!

Ring of Fire: Day 25 "Nesting"

I'm trying to remain relaxed & not freak out that our baby is "due" in about 24 days.
There is a frantic woman living inside my head who keeps me up at night running through lists of things I "need".

But, really. As long as I have my boobs, some diapers, and a comfy bed to snuggle in, we will be just fine. Everything else is just icing on the cake.

The smallest clothes are washed & folded in the closet. Our changing table is up, it was never taken down. Our co-sleeper is put together & we'll get it nestled into our bedroom within a week. I'll start our diaper service when we're closer to the due date. Really, we can fill this out online after we're home, as long as I have some diapers at home to tide us over. My house is cozy & comfy. My son is happy.

Yes, I should probably pack a bag for the hospital. Yes, I should probably write out a birth plan.

I've been trying to develop a "cleaning schedule" of sorts so that my house can operate in a sanitary & tidy state most of the time. This is a work in progress. We've gotten really good at keeping up on dishes, laundry, and vacuuming. We red up most of the toys throughout the day and at night so that things are pretty tidy, actually. My area of improvement is keeping the bathrooms & kitchen in a sanitary state. Really, the kitchen is fine. I struggle with the bathrooms. But, I'm making progress. I created caddies full of cleaning supplies that I keep under each bathroom sink. This way, I can take a few minutes and do SOMETHING. Even if I can't full on bleach the entire bathroom, I can clean the mirrors, or the toilet, or the counter, etc... So, my upstairs bathroom seems clean most of the time. But, my downstairs bathroom could use some love.

I'm writing all this because today is Monday. I woke up this morning totally motivated. I usually feel this way Monday mornings, but Tuesday I've lost steam. :) I had a great morning; cleaning, playing, enjoying my little boy. By noon I was Done. I just wanted to go to sleep. There is still so much "to do" but, being 36 and 1/2 weeks pregnant my body is forcing me to rest.
And this is a good thing.

I just need to balance the doing & the resting.
My home will remain a work in progress.
But, it is welcoming, loving, comfortable, and playful. These things are what is actually important to me.

In other news: Little Miss Scarlett has been SO active today. Seriously, I don't know what she is up to in there, but she is on the move. Jude & I were reading books in bed this morning and he had his legs resting on my belly. She was kicking him SO hard and he was laughing, asking me, "Mom, did you feel that?!"

*bask*

Ring of Fire: Day 18 "Whoa." or "Hold your Horses"

My due date is in a month. From today.
Time can go ahead and slow the F down right now, mmmkay?
Please?

I've started to blog a couple of times & been pulled away by other things.
There is so much to say.
I'm only writing now because I woke up at 3:30 and couldn't go back to sleep. (I do NOT recommend getting on the computer when this happens!)
My poor husband just stumbled out here to see if I was okay.

So, I'll keep this as short & sweet as I can.

My meditation challenge:
Today is day 8. It's going really well. I've been able to meditate each day and I'm getting a lot out of it. Some of the lessons are hard. It's about "Miraculous Relationships" and lately I've been learning a lot about myself and how I relate to others. I'm introverted and it can be challenging for me to make and keep friends, and I'm sensitive about how I interact with others. But, I'm learning a lot, taking risks, and benefiting from putting myself out there. Basically I need to relax, not try so hard, and not fear the worst.

Hospital Tour:
The hospital where we will deliver opened last Tuesday. We toured it Wednesday night. I'm looking forward to delivering there, mainly because of the prioritized midwife care, staff and policies that are supportive of natural labor, and also family friendly and baby friendly policies. Like, there are no set visiting hours or limitations on who is with you when. That decision is totally up to us. There is a brand new Jacuzzi tub that you can bet your sweet bum I will be utilizing. Birth balls and squatting bars available. And, because the place is brand spanking new, it is gorgeous. It is also a "green" hospital.
My ONE complaint is that in the delivery room private bathrooms there is a shower but no bath tub. The educator leading the tour felt the same way I did and could offer no explanation why the choice was made to omit bath tubs. With my first birthing experience, the bath tub played a major role. I was in a frog squatting position in the tub during the moments that lead up to my transition to the pushing phase. I felt that it helped move things along and get Jude's body and my body into optimal places for our birth.
But, I have no control over this and I need to let it go. This birth will be different, and I have different tools available. It was a spontaneous decision with Jude, and this birth story will be full of it's own twists, turns, and surprises. That's what makes it fun, right?

Mama needs to get ready:
Whoa, I have a big to do list, especially being a month out. Typing up a birth plan, packing a bag, prepping my house, washing baby clothes, and enjoying each day with my son. In addition to a birth plan, I also want to type up a "tool box" page to remind me of everything I've been practicing and is available to me. This will include breathing exercises, positions, yoga positions, and various techniques to work with discomfort. I'd like this birth to be unmedicated as far as discomfort and "speeding up" or assisting labor. Also, I want to type up helpful phrases and reminders that my husband, mom, and whoever else is there for support can verbally say to me. It's different when you hear these things from outside of your head. It's more effective for me, and I know at some point my mind will surrender to my body during labor and birth... I'm looking forward to that.
This may not be making any sense, let me give an example. With Jude, a Saint of a Midwife told me to relax my shoulders, jaw, and the rest of my body so that all of that energy can be utilized by my uterus. Of course, I knew this, but I forgot. In the moment I was tensing up. As soon as she said it, it was easy to let the tension go.
Another example: when I was pushing, all I wanted to hear was that the way I was pushing was effective. I'd never used my body to push out a baby before. My mind was Gone and I was operating completely on instincts. As soon as my mom confirmed that I was doing exactly what I needed to do, I could just go with it. Basically, "Am I doing this right? Is this how you push out a baby?" - "Yes. You are pushing beautifully." - Sweet. 37 minutes of pushing and my sweet baby boy was in my arms. But, my brain. My brain? In my experience I was a Mother Bear. Somewhere deep in the wilderness. Birthing in the mud as rain, wind and lightening stormed all around me. Naked and wild.

If you've never given birth, that part might make sense to you when it does happen. I hope it will. It was the most amazing experience and I felt more alive, natural, empowered, powerful, and connected to the earth, life, and death - as I never have before.

Baby Shower:
Really, this deserves it's own post, but now is all I have. On Saturday my Saint of a Mother hostess-ed a double baby shower for my beautiful sister and I. Rachel is having a baby boy in December and I can't express in words how much I'm enjoying this time where we get to share in this experience together. We were surrounded by such inspirational, supportive women. We laughed a lot. We were absolutely spoiled with clothes, gifts, and goodies from our family and friends.
Rachel and I have shared a lot in this lifetime. She's two years younger than I am, so she is the closest in age to me out of all four of my sisters. We have tons of pictures of us in coordinating outfits, many hand made by our Angel Mother. Many pictures of us laughing and smiling as only two uninhibited children can do. I have so many amazing memories of our childhood, our adolescence, young adulthood, and now adulthood, families, and motherhood with this woman. It was so great just to sit with her on the couch, opening all of these gifts, seeing what she got, sharing what I got, hugging, laughing, smiling... basking.
Sisters.

The shower had a "nesting" theme. (I know, my mom is freaking adorable!) There were little cupcakes with coconut "nest" topping and two little jelly bean eggs on each one. Hash brown "nests" to be filled with beans, sour cream, salsa, guacamole (This snack WILL be making more appearances at family get togethers, I can tell!). We played "nesting" Scattegories. Our cousin Jamie even wrapped her gift in an egg carton with socks and other little gifts in each compartment. Whatever. How Cute is that???

I was just so happy. My community - my tribe - is so loving and supportive and I know that I am Beyond Blessed.

 

 

 

Just the four of us.

 

Back 2 back.

With our beautiful niece, Gwen.

 

And, of course, my Jude Bear:

We have been taking it easy as much as we can, but still fitting in a lot of fun. We're coming out of a 3 day weekend with Daddy where we went to Science Class at the Children's Museum, had a sushi date, Baby Shower, cousin and uncle JoeyJoe time, walks with Daddy, playing outside with the neighborhood kids, and just enjoying our loving family. Oh, and lots of books, of course. The kid likes to READ!

 

Jude & Daddy "testing Ph" in Science Class.

 

My happy boy.

 

 

Alrighty, people! Here we go! Let's see what the next month brings.

 

 

 

 

*bask*



Ring of Fire: Day 12 "Mommy Needs a Time Out"

Disclaimer: Officially, my child is a Saint, of course.  Saint Jude.  I know families with kids who are much more challenging. But, even a Saint has his moments... especially when he's 3.

Do time outs even work??? Not for me. But, it's one of my fall back strategies when I just can't deal anymore. When my dress has been pulled on one too many times as I walk back and forth across the house. When I've asked one too many times for him to stop. When I've threatened that if he pulls on it one more time, he has to take a time out.

So there we are. I have to follow through of course???

I try.

And I try to follow through. Each time he comes out of his room, 4 seconds after I've put him there. I diligently bring him back. I stay calm.

I try.

But, he's come out 12 too many times. I've lost track. So I give up.

Epic Mom Fail.

No Follow Through.

Worst Mom Ever Award.

So, I keep calm and quiet. I let him do his thing without discussion. I actually don't talk to him at all. And he plays contently by himself.

Then, after a while, we reconnect. He says, "I'm listening now." With his angelic smile, face, eyes, eyebrows, cute little bangs. Cute little cheeks. We hug and kiss.

We both feel better.

Toddler time outs don't work. What does work? What would work? If only I could get him to cooperate, I think a Mommy Time Out would be oh so so so so so effective. It's me who is on edge. I'm the one who is tired and cranky. I am the one who needs a break. I am 31 and 1/2 years old. Can I PLEASE set a timer for 31 and 1/2 minutes and sit in a dark room with nothing to distract me??? If I need to, I can cry until I feel better. If it's a rough day, I can scream, I can punch my pillow, I can write in my diary, I can curse the world up and down. I can get it out however I need to without hurting myself or others. And once it's out I can have a calm and loving discussion with someone who loves me unconditionally.
I'm not even there yet.
I very rarely get there.
Typically, like today, I would sit in my special time out place. Alone. Free from toys, electronics, anything that will distract me. I would reflect on my attitude and how I'm feeling. I will make a different choice to be kinder to my loved ones. To listen to my child. To slow down. To let the little things go. To realize that if he's following me around, pulling on my dress, maybe I could just STOP. Stop whatever I was doing and give him my full attention. Read one too many books. (We're already up to at least 10.)  To be Loving.

For 31 and 1/2 minutes.

Okay, I'll be 32 in October, so I will round up.

Come on, this is a billion dollar idea. We just need the toddlers to get on board.

Ring of Fire: Day 9 "Live & Learn"

 

Over the past 3 years I have taken Jude to a LOT of activities. We started out with baby storytimes at the library & mama baby yoga classes. We've been taking him to baby & me swimming classes for 2 1/2 years (mostly a Daddy weekend activity). Through our parks & rec district, which I am a big fan of, we've participated in munchkin gymnastics, munchkin sports, messy little fingers, paint and play, mom's morning out, preschool exploration, first time friends, knee high naturalist hikes, creature features at the nature center... and more that I'm probably forgetting. :/ Plus tons of storytimes and crafty activities at the library. (Not to mention various playdates, meetups, and our routine park explorations, and trips to the zoo and science museum...) Yesterday we found the BEST class of all... "Science Tots" at the Children's Museum. Jude had a BLAST and I get inspired by the thoughtful & creative activities, since I am a teacher.

Spontaneous Happy Dance for the Rocket Blast Activity 

(Film canisters filled 1/2 way with liquid watercolor, add small pieces of Alka Seltzer tablets, cap & flip over... count down from 10, then up, and be surprised EVERY single time the rocket takes off - leaving cool splatter paint art! We must have done this 20 times.)

It seems like a lot when I think about it. But, you never know how something is going to be until you give it a try. I love to sign up for all of these activities because I get a chance to interact with other parents, to learn what my child is into, what his learning style is like, and how he interacts with other kids & teachers. I think Scarlett will benefit because I've learned what kind of activities & organizations I like and which ones were a waste of time and money. I'm just thankful for Jude's easy going attitude and willingness to go along with whatever crazy schemes I come up with for the day. This spontaneous "2 thumbs up" photo seems to say, "Thanks Mom, you're doing alright."