Day 13

After preschool today I took the kids to the science museum. Jude wanted to go somewhere to see dinosaur bones. I think he was envisioning a complete t-Rex fossil or something really impressive, but I do my best. Our museum has full fossils of a Sabre Tooth Cat, Dire Wolf, and  a resin replica of an Allosaurus skull.

I think he enjoyed playing in the science playground, especially the baby area with his sister. 

Scarlett put many toys in her mouth, and I hope she didn't pick up anything too damaging germ-wise. I read or heard once that when your child does pick something up, the mother inhales whatever germ it is from the baby's breath, and her body automatically creates antibodies that are then given to the baby via breast milk. The article was titled something like "mommy kisses really do heal". I guess we'll find out? 

Day 12

Breastfeeding. 

If I can misquote Andy from an episode of the HBO show Weeds, "it's more like a  shower head than a dripping faucet" 

Something along those lines. 

When your milk lets down it sprays out of several ducts and they are what I call "stuck on". So if your baby for some reason delatches or lets go of your nipple during this window of time your nipple will look like a shower head spraying milk in several directions. 

I'm describing this because lately Scarlett gets distracted by what's going on around her while she's nursing, and she lets go and ends up being literally showered with my breast milk.  And it's adorable. She'll have lines made up of tiny white droplets all over her face, eyelashes and hair. 

Today I was plucking my eyebrows while sitting on the floor in front of a mirror, nursing of course because you only need one hand to tweeze! I didn't even realize she'd popped off, but when I looked down her beautiful head was covered in milk sprays and my nipple was shower head spraying all over the place. 

She had such a happy two-toothed smile on her face. A beautiful sight to see. 

Day 11

This is my happy place. 

This is the house my aunt & uncle built 30ish years ago. (With their own hands, not like having a house built) 

These are the woods I walked through. 

This is the ground I explored. 

This is where my happy childhood memories were formed. 

This is where my family gathers. 

This is where babies have been born and raised. 

This is where we had our wedding 6 years ago. 

This is where I can relax & find inspiration in every nook & cranny. 

This is my baby girl, crawling around where so many babies have crawled. 

This is the structure the menfolk built for us to stand under as we made our wedding vows. 

This is my Oregonian boy, running free. 

This is where he could stay all day - rain or shine. 

This is us pretending we are as cool as Paul & Bonnie. 

This is my heart. 

Day 10

We are rounding out our first Spring Break! Jude only goes to preschool for 4 hours a week, but it's still my first Spring Break as a mom of two. 

Highlights include: a picnic with the neighbors, playing at the park with a preschool friend, playing with the culdesac kids all day (Monday), library (which was packed!), bowling with daddy, baby play date with 2 teacher friends & their babies (Tuesday), children's museum for 4.5 hours (Wednesday & it was super packed!), cousin Gwen coming for a visit (Thursday through today), meeting a sweet 2 week old baby at a very good friend's, playing with her newly crowned big brother, (Friday), donut breakfast, a very busy & packed bookstore, dinner out with a long lost cousin (Saturday), and a party for my dad's birthday today, with 3 babies & 4 crazy big kids galore. 

Phew! 

Since my theme is breastfeeding, I should mention that I breastfed at every place that I listed above: the playground, restaurant, etc. At the museum we actually ducked into a little room labeled "first aid & nursing room" to sit on a comfy couch & take a break from the very crowded atmosphere. At the super crowded bookstore, I saw a mom openly walking around while breastfeeding - which I really appreciated because I've had to chase after Jude with the baby still attached before, and I've wondered if others might do the same. :) 

One of my favorite moments this week occurred on Thursday. I was very tired & hadn't slept well the night before. After taking the kids grocery shopping, we were at home and I threw a sleeping bag out in the backyard. I set the baby down & went inside to gather books, a blanket, water bottle, camera, home phone, and then carried my barefoot, Popsicle eating 3 & 1/2 year old over. It was sprinkling a little off and on, alternating with sun breaks. Typical Oregon. The three of us read books, made up games, crawled in the grass, nursed, snuggled, giggled, and just Lived together until the rain became too intense. I gathered the 4 corners of the sleeping bag together and dragged it all inside. It was a beautiful, messy, wet, happy, alive experience. 

I was taking pictures with my actual camera this week, so I don't have anything cute to share directly from my phone, which I'm writing this on. 

Next week it's back to our routine. Although, while raising tiny people, I feel like we are in a constant state of transition rather than anything I could call a "routine" that might last for more than 2 seconds. 

There is nothing to be done but to 

*bask*

Day 9

Jude at the breakfast table, "when I grow up I'm going to name my babies Eli and the other one (long pause while staring out the window) Treesap!" 

I can't wait to meet my grandkids. :) 

Scarlett found her first electric cord today. Yay! 

Day 8

Life is messy. 

Having a baby is such a great reminder of this. Too often I find myself wanting everything to be neat & tidy. Probably a lot if us have this unrealistic expectation that our house should always be clean, our kitchens disinfected, our gardens growing in perfect little rows, our children's fingernails clean & trimmed, and everything looking perfect on the outside. 

I think sharing on social media just exacerbates this because Of Course we only share photos of ourselves/children/homes/lives at our best. 

But, Life Is Messy. It's so messy! Nature doesn't give a fuck about cleanliness! It thrives in the natural glory of mold, dirt, disasters, decomposition, death, birth, and beautiful Messy life. 

Have you ever witnessed birth??? I have! Even in a sterile, clean, antibacterial hospital - life begins with a SpLoOsh of bodily fluids, shit, smells, Everything!!! It's beautiful life, baby! 

Have you ever raised children?! We're all doing it, people! You will be peed on, go about your day with spit up all over you, maybe catch some vomit in your mouth, definitely catch some in your hands, you will be covered in dirt, blood, snot, and hopefully glitter once in a while. 

My sweet baby girl loves to feed herself and instead of even attempting to avoid an after-dinner bath, I'm handing over the bowl of bananas. She loves it. And it reminds me that life is a glorious, pulsing, growing, breathing, big fucking mess. 

Yes, I like my house to be tidy. 

But I'm choosing to embrace the stickiness. It's life. It's the only one we get. 

This one - my teacher

This one - my guru 

This one - my zen master 

And this one - I'm learning as I go 

Day 7

I've been a mother of two for six months. I just have to acknowledge that this is really hard. It's challenging beyond words at times. This has been a challenging week for me. When I think about how hard it is, my mind immediately goes to how much harder other people have it. I know, I KNOW that I have it good. But, it's still exhausting & exasperating. 

Every day I'm expending so much energy that I have moments where I find myself pausing and I could just collapse on the ground, no matter where I am. But somehow I keep standing. 

And that's all the time I have for now, folks.