Day 6

She loves to eat! 

So far we've tried baby oatmeal, bananas, potatoes, carrots, parsnips, apples, pears, mangoes, broccoli, rice rusks, and whole wheat toast. She prefers to feed herself, thank you very much. 

6 months tomorrow - I can't believe it. 

Today she also tasted dirt, grass, and pine needles. 

She has also swallowed AND passed paper and a small piece of tinsel. :( 

Na-na's remain her favorite - at least that's what I choose to believe. 

Day 5

My kids are the best because... 

Scarlett loves watching me lip sing to Pearl Jam & dance around the kitchen. This makes me sing, dance & listen to Pearl Jam more. She's on her belly watching me with her too sweet smile, kicking her dancy feet. 

Jude says, "I need to take a walk." So he & I head out the door - this was last night at 6:45. As soon as we hit the sidewalk he says, " I love walking with you in the evening." He is 3. We walk to the park, swing as high as we can, make new friends, and run all the way home to eat dinner with daddy & Scar by 7:05. 

                   It's what I do. 

Day 4

Meditation: I aspire to do it consistently. Even when I dabble inconsistently, the lessons I can apply to my own life amaze me. 

My kids were asleep in the car again today (shocker). I was sitting in the driveway of my parents house, so I popped in a Pema Chodron CD that I'd borrowed from the library. With the hope & intention that I'd take the time to listen to it & actually meditate. A few minutes into her talk she led a brief meditation. She rang a gong & said "listen to the gong". Then she said "this time listen to the entire sound of the gong until it's done" and rang it again. "And again."

The key to meditation & mindfulness is nonjudgmental awareness. This is simply noticing the noise of the gong, the seemingly endless reverberations, the thoughts that arise, whatever - and letting it just be without attaching a positive or negative label to it. Without naming it "good" or "bad". 

At least this is my understanding of it at this point in my journey. 

Fast forward a few hours when I'm driving the kiddos home from my parents' house and Scarlett is SCREAMING her head off - the entire 20 minutes home. And I'm tense. I'm gripping the steering wheel. I'm resisting the uncomfortableness of hearing my baby girl in distress. I'm fighting. I'm fast forwarding to when I'm home & I can hold her. Immediately soothe her. My whole body is so tight. "Her brother never did this." "Am I doing something wrong?" "Is this my fault?" "She'll grow out of it." And other thoughts. 

Then I realize - her screams are the gong. So I listen. I listen to the sound of an entire scream until it's over. Then I listen to the next one. And again. Repeat. I swear to god, the simple act of listening alone allowed me to hold 80% less tension in my body. I kept listening. I heard the rain hit my car. I heard the soft music on my CD player. And I heard my daughter cry. I heard her. Instead of resisting, fighting, trying to fix it - I just heard her. 

For a few moments. Quite a few moments. It didn't fix it. It didn't end it. I'm not yet sure exactly what it did. 

But it was good practice. 

                    Who, me cry?! 

Day 3

Remember how I told you that Scar Bear bites me while nursing? Well, today she actually drew blood. Has this happened to you? Do you have any tips for me? 

Jude & I had a mommy/Jude date this morning while Scarlett stayed with daddy. We went to a family yoga class that I usually bring both kids to. Afterwards, we met Daddy & Scar out for breakfast. After a few minutes of my angel baby grabbing everything within (and out of) reach at the table, I nursed her a little bit. It was fine, it was Great! And then, zzzzzzzzing! It was definitely the most intense chomp down yet & the pain shot from my nipple through my body. If I were a man, I would have let out a wail that could have been heard for a mile. But, I'm tough, and also aware that I'm in a public space where other people are enjoying a nice brunch. So I gritted my teeth and as gently as I could, de-latched her. The pain didn't subside, so I peeked into my nursing tank and there was actual blood on my nipple pad. 

Not a lot, but fresh, red, tiny blood spots where there is usually just sweet extra milk. I had a vision of my cannibal, blood thirsty baby with fresh blood smeared on her face, hungry for more. But, I have an over active, morbid imagination. 

I did take an ice cube from my water glass and stick in in my nursing tank. That helped, but honestly, my nipple still hurts, now two hours later. 

This is so different from my nursing experience with her brother, who never bit me in 27 months, with all of his teeth.  I'm getting chomped several times a day. I tried shocking her by yelling, "OW!" loudly & she just looked at me with a huge smile & sparkly, happy eyes. We live with a part-time dinosaur so she actually loves loud noises & being startled. 

What's a mommy to do?! 

I did train her to be a pirate so I've no one to blame but myself. 

Day 2

Yahoo, this blogger app on my iPhone makes it easy to write. We are living in the future, people. 

It's especially convenient because I'm in bed with my bear cubs & wasting time on this contraption that I have a love/hate relationship with. But, I digress. 

What I want to write about is Jude bear & his babies. When I was pregnant, I bought him a sweet little doll to be his baby, in order to help him prepare for his little sister. I never could have anticipated the adorable, empathetic, nurturing, 

compassionate, caring and hilarious behavior that he exhibits with "Choko" (his name, my spelling). Today we all took a bath together, Jude & his baby and me & my baby. Afterwards, he dried her off and dressed her. He informs me that he is her daddy. And he is an exceptional daddy. It makes me feel like I am doing something right... Ok, a lot of things right. :) Of course, his baby sister wants nothing more than to tackle Choko & eat her face, which understandably upsets her papa bear. 

He also has a baby dinosaur, named "baby dinosaur". Both of his babies are girls. They sleep in our bed (which makes six of us) and in the morning we Must play with them. A couple of days ago, he made up this chant for them, "Baby girls team! Baby girls team!" And they (we) sang that on repeat for what seemed like forever. I have no idea what their team was doing other than just being Baby Girls Team. 

It made my heart smile. 

He also gives them "na nas" or Baby Dinosaur will give Choko na nas. Baby Dinosaur has na nas sometimes, but her favorite food is meat. And this brings me back to my whole breastfeeding theme. Bam!  

Conveniently, they're in bed with us now! Baby girls team! Baby girls team! 

Day 1 (again)

Opening this blog up again & seeing my newborn baby girl's picture on my last post is blowing my mind. We are coming up on 6 months later and this is what she looks like now: 

It's so annoying to hear the cliche, "they grow up so fast" but this is something that only parents can truly understand. 

I have been thinking about my blog for a couple of days. There is so much to be said about my current mothering journey. The topic that has been surfacing in my mind is that of breastfeeding. 

Yesterday I spent hours at the zoo with my two little ones. It was one of those days where the zoo was almost deserted except for the keepers & photographers. 

The kids & I decided to hang out there spontaneously after attending a music performance at the adjacent World Forestry Center. At the zoo there is a baby Debrazza monkey, Gus, who just turned a year old. I love to visit the babies at the zoo. I've seen nursing elephants, river otters, and Gus with his mama, Brooke. There are also 3 lion cubs who were born just before Scarlett last September who are just moving on from their mamas milk. Yesterday, Gus was like a typical baby toddler. He sucked on his mamas long, tired nipples before running at full speed around their habitat. Then he returned to her for another sip. Brooke & I shared a long moment of eye contact and I can only hope that she knew that I was empathizing with her. I've been there. 

Scarlett's a great nurser, just like her brother was (for 27 months).  I hope she & I can make it to two years. She is completely different than he was, except in that they are both all night nursers & snackers throughout the day. I'm always available and my nipples may as well be as easily accessed under my fur, just like the mama Debrazza. The difference is that Scarlett has two teeth that came in at 3 months & she bites down on my nipples frequently. Jude got the same two bottom teeth at 5 months, but he never bit me. I nursed him until all 20 of his teeth came in, but biting was never an issue. Scarlett will chomp down for leverage while squeezing out a toot or a poop. Just thinking about it makes my nipples sore. 

But, she's so worth it. They both are. 

Just like Brooke, I'll hang out with my nipples available for whenever they're needed. Because it won't be forever. They'll grow up too fast as it is. 

mother bear/ day 1/ multitasking

revelation 1: I have no time to blog! I think it would have been a cool project to document the first 45 days of motherhood/babyhood. but, who has the time? with a 3 year old & a 3 week old this just isn't happening.

here I am, 21 days into scarlett-bear's life & i'm taking a moment to check in here.

except i'm not.

what i'm actually doing is breastfeeding scarlett on the right boob (what I should be paying attention to), collecting leaking milk on the left boob (into this milk saver contraption I just pulled out of storage, never got the chance to use it with jude, and i'm stoked to find out that it works!), holding my boob away from her nose with my left hand, hunt & peck typing with my right, longing to finish chuck Palahniuk's new book that's on the couch next to me, and letting my lunch get cold. (which I should really be eating so that I can make more milk).

and this is with one kid at home - jude's on a nap/drive with daddy.

wish me luck!

good luck mommy!