Ring of Fire: Day 8 "One more thing..."

Ha! I forgot one thing that has been very different during this pregnancy... the decision whether or not to find out the gender before our baby is born!

With Jude, we both wanted to be surprised. I thought that it would be challenging, but looking back, it was really enjoyable. My pregnancy seemed to go by pretty slowly instead of rushing by. It was fun to wonder about the child growing inside my belly, wondering if I'd have a daughter or a son, and hearing other's speculations. I'm glad that we gathered "neutral" colored baby gear & clothing instead of having only "boy" stuff or "girl" stuff - and now it's a GREAT benefit because we can use all of that stuff again!

We actually did find out that we were having a son before he was born... but it was after my due date had come and gone. On May 20th, which was my due date, I had a plan to go for a swim, lunch & pedicure date with my mom & aunt Jan. On the pool deck (immediately after laughing with the life guard about how it was my due date but, not to worry because I was with TWO nurses!) I slipped and fell. My body instinctively went into a lunge position, but my right foot was behind me and I landed on top of the ankle bones. I heard a loud crunching sound and I knew that this was not good at all. I ended up with a horrid sprain that kept me off of my feet until my labor began 6 days later. I went to the hospital to get monitored and checked over. My blood pressure dropped drastically, but my baby was completely healthy and resilient during the whole ordeal. It's amazing how our bodies will take care of that baby above all else. It was a couple of nights later when I felt nervous because I had not felt any movement the whole night long when normally the baby was an active night owl. So, I returned to the hospital for a non-stress test. This is where they do an ultrasound to check the baby over. The baby was, of course, just fine. It was impossible to "hide" the gender at this point because as I watched the screen I saw a healthy pair of testicles float right on by.

I was ecstatic!!! It was the best feeling to celebrate the fact that we would soon be welcoming a SON! We didn't tell anyone in our family and they had no idea that we had accidentally found out. Hee hee hee. I don't know if it would have been different otherwise, but I did not even think about gender during the actual birth or thereafter. It was the furthest thing from my mind. Except when I looked, supernaturally wide eyed, at my husband and exclaimed, "We have a son!"

Love of My Life.

 

So, THIS time around, I wanted to see what the other experience was like. It took some convincing for my husband to get on board, but I knew that he would eventually. I really wanted to find out if we were going to be parents of two boys, or a boy and a girl! Also, I wanted to prepare Jude by being able to talk about a "baby brother" or "baby sister".

 

I felt SO nervous going into the 20 week ultrasound appointment! I don't know exactly what I was nervous about, but I had serious butterflies in my belly. I was immediately calmed when I saw the baby on the screen and saw that it did have all of it's parts. It is amazing to see the brain, spinal cord, organs, the limbs kicking and the mouth opening. I just stared in wonder and amazement the entire time, and asked the technician once in a while what we were looking at. (This technician barely said a WORD!) The appointment took over an hour and the technician for some reason waited until the very end to ask us if we wanted to know the gender!!! I felt like I already knew because when she was looking for the bladder, I swear to God that I saw the shape of a vulva. I didn't know for sure though, and Miles thought he saw boy parts. ???

 

Maybe I have a gift for interpreting ultrasounds because I was right & the technician confirmed that our baby is in fact a Girl. <3

 

I still can't believe it and I'm so excited to see what having a daughter is like. I had no idea how much fun it would be to hang out with a little boy all of the time and I am trying to approach all of this girl business without expectations.

 

However, I am super excited about a couple of things. One: My family is full of amazing, strong, inspirational women and I'm excited to continue this legacy. Two: This little girl has the BEST daddy in the whole world. My own biological father was a bit of a disappointment, and I'm looking forward to seeing the true love that can exist between a dad and a daughter, and for her to have what I didn't have.

 

I'm just excited to *bask* in the love of this family of four that we are creating.

 

Love, love, love.

 



Ring of Fire: Day 7 "The Good, The Bad & The Ugly"

The number 1 question people ask me about my pregnancy is, "Is this pregnancy different than your first?"

Of course, the short answer is Yes. :)
But, I'd love to elaborate.

The biggest difference is that I'm already caring for my 3 year old Bear Cub. This impacts a number of things.

#1. It's not about me.
The first time you're pregnant, you are the center of the universe. Enjoy it! You are creating life, you are a miracle, you are the embodiment of womanhood and feminine goddessness. The second time around, I feel that I am still all of these things, but it's just not about me anymore. And that's okay! It's more about our family growing, and most of all about Jude becoming a big brother. He embraces it, and that is the sweetest thing in the world. First, he named the baby "Jubie" and refused to call it anything else. Recently, he decided that her name will be Scarlett & corrects me when I call her Jubie. He also started referring to her as his baby sister & insists on hugging and kissing the belly several times a day. He talks to his baby sister directly through my belly button, as I'm sure is a popular gateway for lots of little people.

#2. Work
During my first pregnancy, I worked as a Substitute Teacher. I was fresh out of Grad. School and would commute for an hour to work in school districts way on the other side of town. I also provided childcare for two families on a weekly basis as well as lots of on-call babysitting. I also worked at Target on my Christmas break. What possessed me to take on that mind numbing job, I don't know. But, please never let me do that again.
I had the freedom to do whatever I wanted to do with my schedule! I didn't have to worry about anyone else, and especially about finding childcare.
This time, I am blessed not to be working outside of the home. I am employed as a sub, thankfully in my home district, and I did work up until last Christmas. Then I finally made a choice to put my career on hold and to accept the fact that the mothering work that I am doing is valuable and important. It is my life's work. This is a huge challenge for me because yes, we are living on less income, I can't buy everything that I want to, and I compare myself to those around me who always seem to be doing more. But, the important thing is that these are good challenges for me to work through and learn from. It's challenging in a positive way to learn to live with less. It helps me to focus on what's really important. I also have a lot of letting go to do when it comes to JUDGING and comparing myself against other people... this is my issue, not the fault of anybody else.

#3. Time in General!!!
Spoiler alert: Pregnancy makes you TIRED. Super tired. Your body is working incredibly hard and there are days when you should stay off the road and just stay in bed. Not possible with a 3 year old. They have an endless well of energy.
During this first trimester, I was very fatigued. But, Jude was still napping on a regular basis so I took advantage of that and napped with him. NO GUILT! Thank you, Jude. :)
It's true that the first trimester is the most exhausting. This was the same for both pregnancies. However, I don't recall that the debilitating exhaustion came BACK during the beginning of the third trimester and this time I was once again forcing myself to stay home and falling asleep on the floor, on the couch, anywhere I could grab a quick 10 minute nap - while keeping one eye open for the Bear.
I just find myself with less time in general. Or, I suppose I use it in a different way. We are constantly rushing when we are leaving the house. I don't like this feeling, but it might be just the way it is for anyone caring for small children. Time slips through my fingers.
I have, however, continued to prioritize myself, my well-being, and self care as a rule. It can be a challenge at times, but I find it allows me to be present and joyful when caring for my family. I cash in all of my childcare favors, "extra" cash, and spare time for Yoga classes, massage, and precious time with family and friends. During this pregnancy I've been blessed to receive prenatal massages as a gift and have received 7 so far??? I know, I am completely spoiled. I also attend 2 prenatal yoga classes each week.

Mama Bear & Cub - end of trimester 1, thereabouts

So, physically, things have been different. I am very blessed and thankful that my pregnancies have both been low risk, and without serious complications. I remember my first pregnancy with such fondness. I truly felt healthy, happy, glowing, and at my physical best.

This time around, I have a bit of a laundry list of minor complaints...

#1. Nausea: This lasted only through the first trimester, thank God. And I never actually threw up. I just felt nauseous every morning, every night, and most afternoons. I had trouble eating anything, especially in the mornings.

#2. Leg Cramps: The majority of mornings the FIRST thing that happens is I automatically stretch out my limbs and one of my legs will just LOCK UP and paralyze me in a state of extreme pain. I literally yell out in pain and am stuck until it passes. Not a great way to start the day. Now, I'm taking a calcium supplement and it seems to be helping. Meaning that it's no longer the majority of mornings, now it's down to probably 2 out of 7 days. Still sucks.

#3. Yeast Infections: I've had two. This is probably TMI, but I just want you to know that it's a reality. Drink lots of water!!! And now I'm taking a probiotic every day, which I think is helping immensely.

#4. Hemorrhoids: Definitely TMI. But, I had a terrible experience that caused a flare up of the roids that showed up into my life after giving birth the first time. It's been over two weeks and I'm still quite uncomfortable. If you would care to talk to me about this in real life, I will chat your little ear off about it.

#5. Anemia: Apparently I am slightly anemic! This may have contributed to my 3rd trimester exhaustion. I am feeling more energetic since I've added an iron supplement into my daily routine.

#6. Pregnancy Gingivitis: IS actually a thing. It affects some pregnant women and in different ways. I noticed after a routine cleaning that every single day when I flossed there was one spot in my mouth that would bleed profusely and without stopping. Yay. I was very nervous to call my dentist, especially since I'd experienced my first root canal last year. But, she was reassuring and said it happens a lot and it will go away after pregnancy, maybe after breastfeeding. I got an extra cleaning at the beginning of my 3rd trimester and now I have been prioritizing flossing EVERY SINGLE DAY. Okay, I missed yesterday, but that is IT, I promise.

#7. Pregnancy Migraines: Also a REAL thing! Who knew?! I had a few episodes where these flashing lightning bolts made up of triangles took over 3/4 of my field of vision and I couldn't see anything for about 30 minutes. I did not have a terrible headache, which is what I thought a migraine was???? So, I got to meet with a neurologist, which was actually awesome. He listened to me, asked great questions, and looked me over pretty well and I feel confident that I don't have any neurological disorders. Yay! Just wacky, trippy migraines that probably won't affect me at all after pregnancy.

#8. All these freaking supplements! Okay, before I got pregnant I didn't even take a vitamin. I took NOTHING each day, and I liked living this way. I try to get everything I need from a healthy and balanced diet. Now, each day I wake up and take a shot of Floradix (iron supplement) and a probiotic pill, because I need to take these 30 minutes before eating anything. Then, throughout the day I take a prenatal vitamin, 1-2 stool softeners (which I don't think are even helping me at all) and 2 calcium+vitamin D supplements. Add on to this daily routine a yeast infection treatment, attempts at hemorrhoid relief and flossing... oh the joys.

Mother's Day weekend - Trimester 2. With my sisters & our Papa Bob Bear.

Last but not least, let's talk about weight gain. With my first pregnancy, I gained about 30 lbs. It took me about a year to get back to my pre-preggo weight, although the truth is that your body changes shape and it will never be "the same". This time I really haven't gained much weight, maybe 10 lbs so far? I don't care as much, I'm not really counting, and I feel like it's all baby. I love my round belly and I love carrying this little girl with me everywhere I go. I think I look great, even though people seem to have to say stupid little things like, "Are you sure there's one in there?" "You're just about to pop!" etc, etc, etc.

Me & Rachel... she's having a BOY in December! Let the fun begin!!!

Thanks for reading my long post. I just wanted to get this all out there & now I can move on to funner topics.

Take Care!

Give it 45 Days: Into the Ring of Fire

NEW PROJECT
Ring of Fire: Day 1

Alrighty, here is my new project. 45 days from now I will be pretty dang close to the due date for my second child. The "due date" is September 12th and according to my calculations, 45 days from now will be September 9th. The 9th happens to be the birthday of my best friend, Emily Pelletier, and also my very special friend, Taylor Andres. I would be honored if "Scarlett Love" would be blessed to share a birthday with these two amazing women. But, honestly it also frightens me because they are both extremely strong, intense, independent & spicy in their own ways and I just *hope* I'm up to the challenge of mothering this spirited little girl who is currently residing in my womb. I saw my midwife last week who informed me, "You know she's a wild child, right?" And I do. I really do. She jumps and moves around vigorously and quite frequently. She is going to be able to hold her own with her big brother and cousins. She is blessed to be part of a family full of strong & spicy women, and she will be surrounded by a tribe made up of extremely special, strong, supportive men and women. I'm so excited to welcome this little girl... get ready, world!

For the next 45 days I plan on blogging about my current endeavors in Mindful Motherhood, including adventures with my 3 year old Bear Cub, books I'm reading, yogic explorations, and another Deepak Chopra/Oprah meditation challenge that is coming up in August... all with a focus on celebrating this pregnancy as it nears its completion. And welcoming the newest little Bear Cub into our den.


Today we had a family day together and we took off to the beach. I've been needing to feel the sand under my feet, to hear the waves, and smell the salty air. Jude has actually been asking to go to the beach, and when he has a fantastic idea we can't say no. Daddy's been needing to dig a hole and to get out of town and away from the routine of daily life. We stopped on the way to pee (for me, of course) and took an impromptu hike through the forest, over a bridge, and down to a river to throw rocks and sticks. Daddy also got to splash his feet in the river water... and marvel at my spectacular plant identification skills. Then we were off to the beach for digging, poking, sunshine, sand, lunch, ice cream and togetherness. I can't count the number of times Jude spontaneously told us both "I love you!" It was a great day.

I'm amazed at how my Bear Cub is becoming such a big boy. He ran around the beach today, jumped in the waves, splashed in puddles, explored tide pools and wanted more, more, more.

 

Here I am, Mama Bear, with my 33 week pregnant belly and my 3 year old son. I'm so blessed.

Running, splashing, jumping, smiling and soaking up our natural world.

 

*bask*

Summer Lovin: Day 45! Reflections

Wow, I am amazed that I actually stuck with this blogging project for 45 days. It seems like it's taken forever, yet the summer is flying right on by at the same time. What a strange little time vortex I live in.

For a few days, I've been wanting to write about my gratitude for my yoga practice. Last Wednesday, I was driving home from my prenatal yoga class and I felt like a billion bucks. When I arrived at class I felt stiff, achy, uncomfortable, grumpy, and tired. After just an hour of stretching, exercising, pushing myself, accepting myself, and opening at the studio I was a completely different person. When I leave a great class like this I feel like the best version of myself. I feel centered. I feel energized. My head feels clear. I am ready to return to my family and my life from a calm, positive, forgiving, accepting place. I honestly feel like this is my true nature and yoga helps me to reach this grounding, centered, and authentic place from which I can then approach living my life. The annoyances and stresses of day to day life tend to build up and cloud this perspective until I feel overwhelmed and tired a lot of the time.

It's been a long journey for me. My very first yoga class was about 12 years ago. And I'm a far cry from living mindfully all of the time. I could spew out a long list of shortcomings of my practice here - judgments about myself - negativity. But, instead, I'm going to choose not to go that route.

It's hard for me.

This weekend, Miles and I took the "Yoga Way to Birth" intensive course for our birth education and preparation. When we were pregnant with Jude Bear, we took the full 8 week series from Emory, an amazing, inspirational, honest woman and mother of 3 boys. This weekend was led by Tina Lilly, who co-created the series almost 10 years ago. I'm in awe of her as well. Miles and I were able to connect and communicate about our assumptions, fears, as well as plans and strategies for birthing this time around. It was a beautiful weekend. More than anything, I am inspired to prioritize yoga and mindfulness practice further in my daily life. It's easy to find excuses for not taking 10 minutes for myself and to fill this space with cleaning, errands, tasks, and distractions. But, really, I believe taking that tiny amount of time each day will really benefit me. In turn it benefits my family; my husband, my son, and this little daughter who we are soon welcoming from my body out into this world.

I'm grateful for yoga, for continuing to practice and learn, and for the amazing people that have come into my life through yoga.

Namaste.

Summer Lovin: Day 39

I know, blogging 2 days in a row??? It's so unlike me.
But I wanted to put up some pictures of our garden, since everything has taken off! We tried "square foot gardening" this year in the boxes that we built this spring. It's our first garden in our new home... so it's an experiment. :) SFGardening turned into a JUNGLE of plants. Our tomatoes are just everywhere, the squash is taking over the yard, and our corn is higher than an elephants eye(er?) I'm grateful for the delicious zucchini, cherry tomatoes, peas, strawberries, bell peppers that we've been enjoying so far. I'm also grateful that tonight when we make tacos I can ask Miles to run outside and grab some peppers & tomatoes for dinner. What's better than that?!

Here are some before shots:

 

I'm sorry, but I can't remember exactly when I took those pictures. And here are some pictures that I JUST took.

 

 

Like I said; it's crazy, messy, wild, a JUNGLE. But, it's ours.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Summer Lovin: Day 38

Picture Catch-Up!
Here we are, and here are some of the summer adventures we've been having. I keep getting bigger, Jubie keeps kicking me, Jude keeps growing taller, and Daddy keeps up on his Mad Daddy skillz.

Hallelujah! The zoo train returns!

Daddy & Son at Cousin Eli's Kindergarten Graduation.

Helping Daddy feed the garden... those tiny squash are HUGE now!

Summer Lovin.

Mommy & Jude in our backyard. Planting a tree for our 5 year wedding anniversary.

On a toddler dinner date with our favorite girl, Athena, who moved to Minnesota - *sniffles*

Blueberry picking : Take One

Bounty!

On the 4th of July - my little firecracker.

On the 5th of July: First ever Mini-Golf experience!

Yesterday: Blueberry Picking : Take 2

Jude & Cousin Dylan with their blue mouths.

Preggo x 2: Me & My sis, Rachel

The bellies are coming!!!

 

My favorite. ;)

 

 

I'm grateful for:

 

1. Houseguests! In the past couple of weeks, we've had a weekend with my niece, Gwen, and her friend, Fiona, while we all celebrated Gwen's 16th birthday!

Also, 4th of July weekend my cousin, Jamie & her hubby, Nick, stayed with us and we had an awesome cul-de-sac party with my neighbors & more family, played mini golf, and explored Oregon. I love having a big house where my family is welcome and there is plenty of room for all of us!

 

2. Blueberries: So far this year we've picked 22 lbs... plus a couple of lbs that ended up in Jude Bear's belly, I'm sure. We've got amazing jam and I've made 5 batches of lemon-scented blueberry cupcakes that are to die for.

 

3. Letting it go. Being open and receptive to the good, to help from others, to joy and beauty. Things I'm constantly working on & making progress.

 

4. Big Brother Club: Jude is amazing about this baby. His cousin, Elizabeth, who is 1 was over yesterday crawling all over our house & he was so interested in her and very, very sweet with her. I'm so excited for our family.

 

And grateful.

 

*bask*

Summer Lovin: Day 25

I just came to a realization while thinking about this blog. And it made me feel really grateful to have this perspective in my life. Thoughts tend to race around my head like, "Where the heck did June go?" "How is my baby 3 already?" "Why is this pregnancy going so fast?" Every morning I'm rushing. I'm Rushing to throw everything together that we need for whatever outing we're rushing to get to. I'm late to every play date & activity. I don't know how time is slipping away from me.

And then there's this. Today is day 25 of my current project: focusing on gratitude and blogging about our summer adventures. I'm getting ants in my pants, thinking, "This is boring." "I want to blog about something else." "45 days takes For-ev-er." I'm itching to escape. To move on. To abandon this focus and switch to something else. I should just switch my blog to a "4-5 day" timeframe. I would (maybe) be able to stick with that project...

It made me smile to realize this. And I'm so grateful to even have a "45 day" perspective available in my mind. It helps me to realize that, in fact, I'm not running around like a woman with my head cut off. Even when I feel like I am. It's all in how you look at things. If I choose to focus on the fact that life moves too fast, then, SPOILER Alert: it does. But, if I stretch my perspective a little bit, and challenge myself to stay In The Moment and refrain from the urge to move on to the next best thing... then I feel like I can breeeaaaathe. It's a more joyful way to Live. And Love it.

I obviously Rock at blogging every day for 45 days. And, if you know me, you know that I beat myself up for actually Not Rocking at this. So, F*It. I just realized that this is not what my blog is about. I just opened myself up to a new level of mindfulness and self-acceptance.

I'm sticking with gratitude.

*Bask*

P.S. I am also grateful for:
*Air Conditioning! Sweet, sweet, sweet A.C.
*My niece, Gwen, who spent her sweet 16 weekend with a friend of hers at our house, while they rocked the socks off of LeakyCon and we rocked her socks off with a surprise party! This girl is amazing. I'm so proud of her. If I'm lucky enough to have a daughter with her wit, responsibility, morals, and brains... I will kiss her feet. I was a Hot Mess at 16.
*Putting myself out there - meeting new people and stepping outside of my comfort zone.
*Baby kicks - if I could be pregnant all of the time I would. (If I didn't have to give birth & raise the kids, that is!) I ROCK at being pregnant. I'm so healthy, I'm doing yoga 3x a week, drinking water, eating well, and I'm so happy. My house is getting pretty clean, as well. But mostly, I am absolutely in LOVE with the feeling of this girl rolling around in my body, kicking my ribs, sticking her butty-butt out... it's just the coolest thing in the world. And I know, like after I had Jude, I will miss this belly so much and the connection that me & my baby have during this precious time.
*My parents' carpet shampoo-er!  And their generosity in letting us use it! We were about to spend $$ we didn't have to get our carpets steam cleaned again because they were driving me C.R.A.Z.Y!! This is so much better. Someday we will be able to afford to replace our flooring, but I'm learning to be happy in the now.